Remember three things

1. Impermanence surrounds us 

2. There is nothing wrong with this moment.

 3. Gratitude

When we used to go to the Zen Buddhist Temple in our hometown, the resident priest would often begin our meditations with the following statements above. I take great comfort in them when I find myself going through difficult times.

In May we lost our beloved cat Milo to congestive heart failure. As my wife wrote in her beautiful post on the subject of Milo's passing:

Milo’s heart was probably weakened because it was so full of love to give.  In the end, it simply couldn’t contain it all, and he had to depart us, leaving all that love to burst out and into the world.

This was a disorienting moment in our lives as Milo was such a part of our family. Grasping for some kind of stability, I remembered:

1. Impermanence surrounds us - each moment passes and then is done. Our lives are like pages written live in a book; you may go back to see where you have been, but it's no longer being written to at that point - only in the moment; the future is full of blank pages, how many we'll never know. So it comes that any pleasant situation we find ourselves in ends; anyone or anything we love, eventually is no longer with us in a physical sense. It is also true that when we find ourselves in difficult moments, those too pass; and new beings can enter our lives and bring us much joy. Ultimately, we are never stuck and we are never limited to living a life that stops at one particular point of time.

2. There is nothing wrong with this moment - if you're reading this, you're breathing. You're still alive. Even if you are in pain, if you break time down to the individual moment, you have survived each moment of pain. If you can survive one moment, you can survive the next. In the days and weeks after Milo's passing, when it was all I could do to stop from sobbing at my desk, I would comfort myself knowing that I would be able to get through the loss moment by moment.

3. Gratitude - if everything that brings us comfort and joy passes and everything that brings us pain and sorrow passes too, and if we can recognize that when we look at it moment by moment, we're doing ok, then we can be truly grateful to have had our wonderful experiences and likewise equally grateful that those experiences we wish to pass at some point will.  I am grateful for Milo's luminous presence, for his memory that lives on. I am grateful that I was able to remember these three things.

On being somewhere, metaphysically

“Mindful among the mindless, awake while others dream, swift as the racehorse, he outstrips the field.” – The Dhammapada, the sayings of the Buddha, Wakefulness

Working in a cube farm, I hear the occasional conversation in which I am not a participant. Usually I block this out with headphones, ear plugs, or by screaming and banging my head against the wall.  I tend to ignore the chatter, but the particular words I heard this morning, spoken over a cell phone to an unseen colleague, was the phrase: “Are you somewhere physically?”
I was thinking the more relevant question would be: “Are you somewhere metaphysically?” And by this I mean, are you aware of  yourself and the space around you and the interactions you are having with your environment.  More plainly, “Are you paying attention?”
I bike to work on a daily basis through a small city and a large university campus. Today I passed a guy who was walking his dog while smoking a cigarette and talking his phone.

What I notice is that more and more people, while physically present, are not there at all. They are listening to iPods and talking on cell phones and texting. Not just the ones who are walking, but drivers as well. Indeed, every time I am stopped at an intersection, I can almost count on the driver of the car stopped next to me to be reading their email/facebook/text message. I pass by countless pedestrians who have no idea that I went by.
Often, I feel invisible, and actually ride as if I am. I expect people to not be paying attention, in doing so, can prevent accidents by responding accordingly.
Sometimes I wish that it was as easy as people wearing shirts or having cars with flashing lights that signified that they were not paying attention.

The fact is that it is really hard to not be constantly thinking about the past or the future as opposed to the now. Even without the additional distractions that modern electronics afford us. Being in the moment is not something that comes easy to us. But just because it isn’t easy doesn’t mean it isn’t important. In fact, the harder something is to achieve, the more important that thing usually is.
Except when you get stuck on the same level in Angry Birds for months on end. When you finally get it, you still haven’t really achieved anything. Sorry.

So if our default is to be distracted, and mindfulness is difficult, how do you start?

1. Slow down
2. Let thoughts come and go, don’t try to stop them, but don’t linger on them either
3.  Do one thing at a time, and focus on that one thing when you’re doing it
4. Start small, like noticing your inhalations and exhalations
5. Don’t judge yourself
Try this for 10 minutes today and see what happens. You won’t regret it.

On clickers, jerkers, dancing bears and starting over

“We are what we think…with our thoughts we make the world.” – The Dhammapada (The sayings of the Buddha): Choices

It’s been awhile since I’ve written a post. Life has its ebbs and flows and for me, my focus this winter has been on starting over. What I mean is taking things I have been doing, looking at how I have been doing them, and when possible, taking a few steps back and learning how to do them better.  So for the past few months I have been learning to swim like a swimmer instead of a spaz, running like a gazelle instead of an elephant, playing agility with more clarity and connection, and in general, learning to be a better dog trainer and student of animal behavior. 

And now, as spring begins, I am ready to restart dharmaspoon. And in the spirit of starting over, I’ll be working my way through the passages of the Dhammapada in order.

Today’s quote is from Choices.  Essentially it about how we actively create the world we see around us, choosing what we see and how we react.

A common theme throughout the Dhammapada is one of dichotomy: Wakefulness vs Sloth, Love vs Hate, Wisdom vs Foolishness, Unity vs Separation.

I mentioned that I have been working on becoming a better dog trainer. To that extent, I recently, along with dharmaspoon gal, Maebe and Cadence, attended a three day animal behavior conference that focuses on the science of operant conditioning using positive reinforcement.  Basically it’s about how to create conditions in which a dog, dolphin, horse, third grader, spouse, neighbor, etc.,  does what you want them to do and in doing so is rewarded and is thus likely to repeat the behavior to the point where you can, through a signal or cue, cause the behavior to happen when signaled. There is no punishment. There is no coercion. The conference is known as Clicker Expo, the clicker being the tool most often used used to mark the behavior to be rewarded.

The attendees of this conference form one part of another dichotomy:

Clicker trainers (those who use positive reinforcement exclusively) vs Jerkers (those who use punishment, jerking on leashes, etc.)

 

The keynote speaker of the conference was famous behaviorist and author, Dr. Patricia McConnell.  Patricia closed out the conference with a lecture on the emotions of animals. In her final comments, she proposed final dichotomy:

Those who find comfort and solace in the idea that humans and the rest of the world are connected in many ways, including emotion and cognition vs those who find the blurring of the lines between humans and the rest of the animal world a frightening prospect.

You can guess which way I choose to see the world on that one.

Speaking of choosing to see, Kathy Sdao, one of the speakers at the conference gave an excellent talk on the topic of seeing behaviors, which is key to training, because if you can’t see the behavior (or more importantly it’s precursors), you can’t reward the behavior (either at all or on time).   Kathy challenged the group with a number of video tests to highlight the importance of being clear about what you’re looking for, lest you don’t see it. One of my favorite tests is presented below. See if you can pass:

 

So we see what we expect to see, don’t see what we don’t expect to see, so keep that in mind when you make your choices about how you view the world.

On choices and what we can learn from the tragedy in AZ

“We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts.  With our thoughts we make the world. "

– Dhammapada, the sayings of the Buddha, verse on Choices

The world we live in is a mirror of how we view it. We each have a different set of “facts” we go by. Some may see the world as a scary place in which we need to constantly defend ourselves against various enemies.  Others see the world as a place that is mostly fine, aside from the threat that people who see the world as a scary place in which the need to constantly defend themselves will somehow go too far.

Our world view often draws us to seek out experiences (conscious or not) that resonate with us.  From the same set of facts, I’d say that half of my friends are outraged by how they are reported on FOX on a daily basis, while the other half have the same reaction listening to the NPR representation. The problem with either of these scenarios is that we’re getting worked up over something we’ve made up (or have bought into).  

As a story of heartbreaking violence emerged in the last week, so has a discourse around political rhetoric (what many initially attributed as the catalyst) and untreated mental illness  (what is more likely the issue). 

We can fixate on these two things, or we can remember another part of the episode;  the immediate reaction to violence; the crowd who subdued the shooter at great personal risk; the first responders, heroes who did what they could to save who they could; those who held vigil at the shooting site. These people, for that moment, chose to see through the illusion of separateness from others. And so can we.

On renewal

It is the start of a New Year, time once again, to cycle through the calendar. There was a January 1 last year, too, and the year before, and the year before that and so on, but each of those days were experienced differently, as is each moment.
As many of you know, I read one passage from the Dhammapada every day.  There are only 26 passages to read, so I re-read the same passage about 14 times a year, yet every time, it is a different, yet rewarding experience.
Today’s reading was from Flowers and the line that has stuck with me today is this: “Look to your own faults, what you have done or left undone. Overlook the faults of others.”
I think about how much time and energy people waste getting caught up in what other people do, getting upset about this and that, all the while, not subjecting themselves to the same scrutiny.
Personally, I find it very easy to join the ranks of the peanut gallery, the armchair quarterback, and worse. When I read this line, it reminds me to worry about myself, my actions, my thoughts, my beliefs. When I do remember to do this, whatever angst is caused by focusing on the faults of others melts away. Often, when I submit myself to the same scrutiny, I find myself guilty of the same things I’m judging someone else for, which is great, because it both keeps me honest, helping me identify when there is a gap between how I would like to act and how I have acted and it also helps me have compassion for the person who was initially the target of judgment.
So in the New Year, if you experience a moment where you find yourself  judging, try learning from it, and letting it go. You may be surprised and how much better a year you can have.

On Impermanence (Thoughts during a sick day)

“For behold your body, how frail it is! It sickens and festers and dies. Like every living thing, in the end, it sickens and dies.” – The Dhammapada (Old Age)

Near our house is a railroad bridge and on the side of one of  the concrete pillars supporting the bridge, the local graffiti artists regularly use it as a canvas.  I took the above picture a month after the entire side of the pillar was painted black and then covered with multi-colored squares. 

A month later, graffiti appeared within many of the individual squares. The particular square I photographed both describes and is evidence of  the truth that all that exists also goes away; the truth of impermanence. 

The past few weeks have involved a running  injury, the loss of a loved one to natural causes, a near death experience for one of our cats, and a heck of a head cold.

Life is like weather and some days are sunny and 70 and others, not so much. We can get upset when the temperature plummets and the snow accumulates, or we can get out the skis and snowshoes.

The above quote from the Dhammapada is not fatalistic as one may first think, but instead asks invites us to remember that  things don’t last in the same state forever. So while it is true that when something good happens, that feeling will not always persist, it is also true that when something bad happens, that too, will not last.

The running injury will go away.  The loved one left behind the love she gave to her family and their memories of her, so in a way, she still lives on. The cat survived and indeed is purring again. The accident reminded us of the joy and comfort he brings us every day. And this head cold, this too shall pass. 

On giving thanks

“Do not turn away what is given to you, nor reach out for what is given to others…give thanks for what has been given you. However little. Be pure, never falter.” – Dhammapada

As Thanksgiving approaches, I am reminded of what I am most grateful for: my wife, our dogs, our family, our friends, our home, our health, and the life we have built. 

I am also most thankful for my readership, no matter how small. I truly hope you have found these pages enlightening and inspiring, that they have helped you think about your experiences in a different way. At the very least, I hope you’ve liked the pictures.

Thanksgiving marks the start of the holiday season. It can be a time of gratitude and reflection, or a time of restless want and missed expectations. I hope you remember that you have a choice in the matter and I wish you well as you enter the season.