On Why I still have friends and you can too

“See yourself in others. Then whom can you hurt? What harm can you do?” – the Dhammapada

I was having a conversation the other day with someone about how they “defriended” one of their Facebook friends because of a series of increasingly intense posts the friend had made regarding current affairs that this someone found to be very offensive.

We have probably all experienced something similar – you meet someone, engage in an activity you both enjoy, and as you get to know them, they don’t meet some criteria on your internal “checklist” of the beliefs you think your friends should have.

This can cause a great amount of distress as you worry about being friends with “one of them.” You cling to that sense of separateness, otherness, and consciously or not, you drift away until you are no longer friends. Or, you try to change your friend’s mind. You try to convert them to your point of view. If only they could see the folly of their thinking. You have the FACTS. If only that person would listen.

Among my friends, some of whom share some beliefs I could not disagree with more, and who I would never dream of trying to “change”, I am lucky enough to say that we have all of these things in common:

We love our country

We desire safety and peace

We want what’s best for our friends and family

We love our dogs/families/friends

We share one or more common activities

We are led by principals

We want to do good in the world

When we focus on what we have in common, we can realize that we are lucky to have the friends we have, and appreciate them, and while we may not believe everything they believe, we do not have to define them or ourselves by our differences.