Remembering the Keys

Most every morning, my wife and I walk our dogs.  She always has the keys to let us back into the house. I got in the habit of not bringing them. Lately, when we get back from our walks, my wife does a training session with our youngest pup. I have had to interrupt those sessions to ask for the keys to let the dogs in the house. For weeks I have had the intention of bringing my own set of keys to let the dogs in. For weeks, I have failed to remember to do. Until yesterday.

Weeks ago, I started with the intention: I need to remember to grab my keys on the way out. I’d let the dogs out, and wouldn’t remember until we got back from the walk. Over time, I’d become aware that I forgot to bring the keys earlier and earlier into the walk until yesterday, I remembered before we left. I have observed this pattern in other areas of my life: Shutting the back door all the way in the winter when I’m letting dogs out. Throwing the burnt match that was used to light candles and incense away after I’m done meditating. Remembering to practice what I know about operant conditioning and the rules of my agility handling system instead of defaulting to sloppy training/handling. Staying mindful during meditation. Absorbing what I’m reading in the Dhammapada and other texts.

What I believe I am learning, and what I would like to share with you is this:

1.      Start out with intention

2.      Catch yourself in old habits

3.      Repeat until intention turns to consistent action

I read somewhere that becoming mindful of your actions and doing things with intentionality is like walking: Each step is the process of falling forward and then catching oneself, and then repeating the process until you get where you want to go.

Not Good vs Bad

In Buddhism, instead of saying that a thought is good or bad, it is said that it is either skillful or unskillful.  One the one side, there is greed, hatred, delusion. On the other, generosity, compassion, and wisdom. I have recently returned from a conference where the focus was on using operant conditioning as a technology to train everything from a fish to a person to perform tasks quickly, precisely, and in a way that is enjoyable for both the trainer and the trainee. This type of training is in sharp contrast to methods of compulsion, of force, of threats. In my mind I have found it easy, then, to lump trainers into "good" trainers (those who use operant conditioning) and "bad" trainers (those who use aversive means). This is not a useful distinction because it implies that people are fixed as being one way or the other. By shifting my perspective to view one's training methods as skillful or unskillful, it opens up the possibility of change, of improvement, of compassion, of understanding.

On Mindfulness and Shaving

The other day I went to the local pharmacy to purchase razor blade refills. And not the cheap ones. I was buying the 20 blade aloe strip variety. You know, the kind that are so overpriced that the place that sells them needs to actually encase them in a dispensing device that makes one feel like a chimp in a zoo trying to figure out which button to press to get a treat.  I find it so insulting to have to buy them this way. And of course, I never push the button just right and the thing jams up and I need to get help. Well, that day, I decided: No more! 

So, what were my options? Over the years, I had tried the cheaper disposables, which is what led me to the 20 blade model. It was, after all, the best of the disposables. I did my research and started reading about straight razors. Like the kind that my grandfathers used. Well, I  imagine they used. I was three when both of them died and have never really thought to ask about either of their shaving habits. But I digress.

From what I could tell, there were four simple rules:

1. Always use a fresh blade
2. Don’t rush
3. Use a good shaving brush and cream
4. Shave after your shower

I got a nice handle and a fresh set of blades from a company that also makes surgical knives. Got a good shaving brush and cream. Shaved for the first time, I confess, before, my shower, but wrapped my face in a hot towel first.

Lathered up the brush, then my face. Took my first stroke, slowly, I thought, and NICK. Nice gash on one side of my neck. Few more strokes. NICK. Smaller bit of skink this time. By the time I was done, my neck was looking more than a little raw.

Now I’ve shaved thousands of times. I’ve always treated it as just something you do, like washing  your hands. I never really thought about it. Was never aware of doing it. Was just another part of the routine.

What I have learned, over time, is that a straight blade razor causes you to become very mindful of shaving. You have to pay close attention. You have to slow down. You have to apply the right pressure at the right angle and most importantly, WAIT for the blade to cut the beard. You cannot force it. If you do, NICK.

Now, cognitively, I knew all of these things going into this. I read all of the advice. Thought I was following it, but still, it took me a good dozen times to get it right.

It’s pretty obvious where this is going, right: You can read all of the spiritual stuff you want. You can “get it” intellectually. Yet, it is through the practice that you really make it happen. I leave you with the four rules:

1. Use a fresh blade (Approach things with a beginner’s mind)
2. Don’t rush (Have patience)
3. Use a good shaving cream and brush (Adopt beliefs, ideas, philosophies that resonate with you)
4. Shave after you shower (Find the right time to practice)

Choices

"Mistaking the false for true and the true for false, you overlook the heart, and fill yourself with desire."

Have you ever noticed the gap between what you think will bring you joy and what really does bring you joy?  It could be having another drink, buying a fancy car or new computer, striving for and getting that next promotion. Going on business trip after business trip, "making it happen" so you can, you tell yourself, enjoy to do the things that are most important to you, only to find out that you're not ever around to do them.

Conversely, look at the times when you do have joy. I bet it's the simple things, like having a cup of coffee with your partner, walking the dogs, reading, spending time with family and friends, exercising, enjoying nature...

Each day we have a choice to make. We can either be in endless pursuit of what we want or we can want what we have.

A Coincidence

I was just reading a book today that I had started about 10 years ago. I had forgotten about it and so picked it up and began rereading the section I had already read. Today, as I was reading this book, I came across a page from a daily calendar that had been folded and used as a bookmark a decade ago.  When I unfolded the page, it  was, coincidence of coincidences, the same date as today.  As I thought about this some more, I thought about how there is probably some significance. Spring is approaching and I think that this time of year one is restless from winter, eager for summer, and excited for the transformation that spring brings.  I was probably feeling this the first time I picked up the book, inspired to broaden my horizons, and learn a truth, to start on a spiritual path, perhaps. 

The End and the Beginning

You may have not realized it, but my last post marked the last passage of the Dhammapada. I have been so focused on getting though it that I have given little thought as to what I would do when I got to the end. In my daily practice, I read a Dhammapada passage a day, and when I get to the end, I just start at the beginning. I do this because there is always some new insight to gain and also because I do not have the best memory and sometimes the passages seem new to me. I think it easy to think of our lives as linear, we just march through, one day at a time towards an inevitable end. The deal is, though, life is not linear. I think we bounce back and forth between learning the same lessons over and over and learning some new things or approaching the same thing from a different perspective. As I ponder what to do next with the blog, I can promise that you will see some old, some new, and some old with a new twist. I hope you enjoy.

The True Master

“Without Fear, Go.”

“Go.” Says the automated voice of the timing machine at an Agility trial. It means it’s your turn. You hear it at the height of your anxiety of running the course. Why do you have anxiety? Because you have fear of failure. What do you do when you have fear of failure? You don’t take risks. You make mistakes because you are caught up on your images of what disaster may befall you instead of what success you may have. You don’t realize that in order to get better, you need to make mistakes. Your mistakes teach you how to do better.  The thing that all successful people have in common is that they expect and accept failure as part of the process of success. The next time you are at the line, when you hear the disembodied  voice say “Go”, add, in your own mind, “Without Fear.”

The Seeker

"Do not turn away what is given to you, nor reach out for what is given to others, lest you disturb your quietness."

This is Maebe. She is Fast. She is a mutt.  She loves to play agility. Within weeks of the beginning of our agility career, I realized that if didn't want to be barked at or bit on the knee, I had to become a better handler.

I didn’t train Maebe to be fast. Or to love agility. She just does.  I got her mainly for her temperament.   I didn’t have any aspirations beyond just having fun with her on the agility courses, but given her potential, I could not take her speed or enthusiasm for granted. I feel like she is a real gift and that I have a real responsibility to help her achieve her potential.

There are a number of organizations that host Agility trials. One of these organizations, until recently, barred mutts from competition.  Many of our friends who compete in agility compete in this organization, which has a certain amount of prestige attached to it.  Some of these friends encouraged us to take advantage of sort of a loophole that would allow us to attempt to “register” her as a purebred, even though we knew she was not.  The rationale was that other people do it and why shouldn’t she be able to compete just because she is a mutt. While these friends were well intentioned, my wife and I both felt uncomfortable about doing this for three basic reasons:  1. It involved lying. 2. It was unfair for a dog that wasn’t really a purebred to potentially knock an actual purebred off of a ranking. 3. Why try to hide that Maebe is a mutt? I am not ashamed of her breeding. In the end, just because we wanted to play in this other venue, we weren’t going to reach out for something we had no right to. Our patience was rewarded several months later when the rules were changed that allow mixed breeds to complete. Now we are registered legitimately.  There is a separate issue that there is still resistance to the very concept that mixed breeds are allowed, and judgment over her specific breeding, but that is a whole other story.