On Impermanence (Thoughts during a sick day)

“For behold your body, how frail it is! It sickens and festers and dies. Like every living thing, in the end, it sickens and dies.” – The Dhammapada (Old Age)

Near our house is a railroad bridge and on the side of one of  the concrete pillars supporting the bridge, the local graffiti artists regularly use it as a canvas.  I took the above picture a month after the entire side of the pillar was painted black and then covered with multi-colored squares. 

A month later, graffiti appeared within many of the individual squares. The particular square I photographed both describes and is evidence of  the truth that all that exists also goes away; the truth of impermanence. 

The past few weeks have involved a running  injury, the loss of a loved one to natural causes, a near death experience for one of our cats, and a heck of a head cold.

Life is like weather and some days are sunny and 70 and others, not so much. We can get upset when the temperature plummets and the snow accumulates, or we can get out the skis and snowshoes.

The above quote from the Dhammapada is not fatalistic as one may first think, but instead asks invites us to remember that  things don’t last in the same state forever. So while it is true that when something good happens, that feeling will not always persist, it is also true that when something bad happens, that too, will not last.

The running injury will go away.  The loved one left behind the love she gave to her family and their memories of her, so in a way, she still lives on. The cat survived and indeed is purring again. The accident reminded us of the joy and comfort he brings us every day. And this head cold, this too shall pass. 

On giving thanks

“Do not turn away what is given to you, nor reach out for what is given to others…give thanks for what has been given you. However little. Be pure, never falter.” – Dhammapada

As Thanksgiving approaches, I am reminded of what I am most grateful for: my wife, our dogs, our family, our friends, our home, our health, and the life we have built. 

I am also most thankful for my readership, no matter how small. I truly hope you have found these pages enlightening and inspiring, that they have helped you think about your experiences in a different way. At the very least, I hope you’ve liked the pictures.

Thanksgiving marks the start of the holiday season. It can be a time of gratitude and reflection, or a time of restless want and missed expectations. I hope you remember that you have a choice in the matter and I wish you well as you enter the season.

On Wishlists

“Beware of thirstiness lest your wishes become desires and desire binds you.” – the Dhammapada (Desire)

“The more I have the more I think I’m almost where I need to be. If only I could get a little more.” - the Avett Brothers (Ill with want)

For most of the year, aside from the occasional bike or dog related product, I am fortunate enough to want for very little. In short, I want what I have and have what I want.

Then the ever expanding “Holiday season” comes upon us. It starts with the request for a wish list, which usually takes awhile for me to produce because it’s hard for me to think of things I want when I actually have everything that I want…until I’m forced to spend some time thinking about it…

It starts out modest…a pair of gloves, a set of tire covers for the camper, perhaps some headphones…

There’s the daily tweaking and expansion of the list (damn you Amazon Wish Lists for making it so easy!) until finally we end up with some high ticket items…

…high ticket, somewhat easy to rationalize items, like $150 running pants (ok, tights) that promise to improve performance, prevent injury, and aid recovery...

…which morphs until things like Kindles (damn you Amazon again, for your incessant marketing) and Wii games (for the high ticket item I didn’t need from a previous year)…

…and constant thoughts about what else should be in the list and what priority it should be…

…and the noticing of all of the things around the house that are no longer shiny and new…

…and then there is no way that you are going to get everything on your list because you got so greedy, but it’s on your list, so after the holidays, no matter how generous your family has been, there are still some things that you now “need” and so you spend money that could have been saved for the inevitable furnace repair or vet visit…

…but thankfully pretty early in the process I’ve caught myself and toned it down a bit…

…and have tried to focus on the practical and reasonably priced things…

…and maybe next year, my list can look like this:

1. Inner peace

2. Good health

3. Gratitude

4. A 56 Inch Internet Ready 3D HD LCD TV

On maintaining your criteria

“Do not make light of your failings, saying, ‘what are they to me?’ A jug fills drop by drop, so the fool becomes brimful of folly. Do not belittle your virtues, saying ‘they are nothing.’ A jug fills drop by drop, so the wise man becomes brimful of virtue.” – The Dhammapada

In agility, there are obstacles basically made from wooden planks that have yellow sections on both the point of entry and the point of exit. These yellow zones are known as contacts. The entry contact is called the up contact. The exit contact is the down contact. Depending on the venue you are competing in, the dog usually is required to touch the up contact and always is required to touch the down contact.
Touching the down contact has historically been a challenge for Team Maebe. We actually spent the better part of a year working on just that behavior, which she now understands, but has deteriorated during competition over time.
How did that happen? I was sloppy with my criteria.
Here is what she was supposed to do:
Run to the bottom of the obstacle with rear paws on the end of the contact and her front paws on the ground in front of the contact and stay there until released.
Here is what I allowed her to do over a long period of time:
In the excitement of competition, in going for what I wanted today vs what I wanted for good, the releases became shorter and shorter until there were none.
The consequence: Eventually that turned into missing the down contact all together.
So what did I do?
1. Acknowledged what I had done to cause the problem.
2. Made a commitment to accept nothing less than my criteria, which means:

a. If the rules of the particular run allow you to repeat the obstacle, I redo it until she gets it right.
b. If the rules of the particular run do not allow you to repeat, then I end the run.

3. Followed through on that commitment
The result:
Maebe missed her next contact. I made her run it again. She realized I was holding her to her criteria. She did not miss any contacts the rest of the trial.
The lesson:
Hold true to your criteria. If you make compromises regarding what is important to you long term in order to make a short term gain, you won’t achieve what you really want.

On going forward before the fear sets in

“Go beyond this way or that…without fear, go.” – Dhammapada

Last weekend we hit the trails on our mountain bikes. The trails we chose were on the site of a former tree farm. The ground was uneven, rooty, rocky. We like this trail because of its challenge. There are lots of tight twisty turns, steep hills, log and rock piles you need to traverse, and of course, “the crater”, which I’ll get to in a minute.

Mountain biking a technical trail is one of those things that the more you think about, the less likely you are to do, and the older you are, the less you are to do it, I think, for fear of getting hurt.

Children don’t generally have this problem. They go through their early part of life fearless, and for the most part, having more fun than the majority of adults.

Somewhere along the way, we learn to be afraid of things. While in some cases, that keeps us safe, more often than not, it actually holds us back.

This takes me to the crater, a feature of the trail that well, looks like somewhere a meteor hit- a bowl about the size of small house. If you are not expecting it, then you are just going along the trail when all of a sudden you find yourself at the precipice. It just appears. If you stop, you will spend a great deal of time looking at the drop. Wondering if people really do this. Picturing all of the ways it might go wrong.

When we came upon the crater on this last ride, there were the usual couple of riders peering over the edge. I know that I did that the first few times. I knew that this made it worse. So instead, I just pointed my bike straight, went over the edge, and came up the other side safe and sound.

We all have things in life that scare us to do and the more we think about them, the less we are likely to do them. When you reach that point, there is only one course of action to take:  without fear, go.

Here’s highlights from the trail by the way, taken from the internets:

On bees and bottles

“Desire is a hollow. And people say, ‘Look! He was free. But now he gives up his freedom.’” – the Dhammapada: Desire
Whilst enjoying lunch yesterday in an urban park with my wife and my good friend, a honey bee landed on my upturned bottle cap from my root beer. Our conversation kind of paused for a moment as we watched the bee drink a few drops of root beer that had collected on the surface of the bottle cap. It kind of looked like this:

*Note that this is not the actual bottle, but one I found on the internet. I was drinking root beer, but you get the point.
When the conversation resumed, some of my attention still remained on the bee. I watched as it flew into my nearly empty bottle, drank a bit, and then tried, unsuccessfully to exit the bottle.
Seeing the opportunity to help, I tipped the bottle so the bee could fly out, which it did, only to return to the bottom of the bottle minutes later. It made me think about people who go through cycles of consumption, remorse, abstention, and on back to consumption once the sting of whatever led to the remorse has faded. I think this cycle continues because the desire never goes away and what’s even worse, we’re not even aware that this is the case. Anyhow, I’m off to get some beer for the weekend…

On Joyful Competition

“Let go of winning and losing and find joy.” - Dhammapada

For Dharmaspoon Guy and family, this year has been particularly intense in terms of both the dog and human competitions. We have competed in about a dozen agility trials, 4 triathlons, 3 running races, and have at least another 4 agility trials and 2 or 3 running races to go.

Sometimes we have made it cleanly through agility courses and have earned placements and titles. Other times, it just wasn’t happen. Races resulted in personal bests and age group placements at times, and at other times, not.

Does it feel good to win? Of course it does! Is that why we compete? No*.

So why do we subject ourselves to getting up at ungodly hours on weekends when we can sleep in so that we can compete?

It boils down to three reasons:

1. We find joy in the activity

2. We find joy in testing ourselves to see where we are

3. We find joy in the preparation in between events

Everything else is just a bonus.

Often in competitions, we run into people who are in it just for the winning. In the world of dog sport, this is particularly pronounced. You can tell who they are, not by how well they do, although often they do excel, but by the lack of joy they seem to have. Over the weekend, I watched some of the top agility handlers in the nation yell at their dogs, yank them off the course for the slightest error, even if it was due to handling. What was interesting to me was that in a number of cases, these handlers were beat by people who, while not as well known, do their homework, and were competing for the right reasons: to have fun with their dog first, and to do the best they could do.

I think one of the best ways to have joy is to focus on what went right; your little victories. Nothing is all good or all bad. What you focus on, what you remember, and what you learn is what is important.

So, get out there, do your chosen activity, enter a competition, let go of winning and losing, and find joy.

*Well, sometimes we compete for cool prizes, like one of the toy VW Microbuses, shown here, which is up for grabs in this weekend’s Run Woodstock:

On Why I still have friends and you can too

“See yourself in others. Then whom can you hurt? What harm can you do?” – the Dhammapada

I was having a conversation the other day with someone about how they “defriended” one of their Facebook friends because of a series of increasingly intense posts the friend had made regarding current affairs that this someone found to be very offensive.

We have probably all experienced something similar – you meet someone, engage in an activity you both enjoy, and as you get to know them, they don’t meet some criteria on your internal “checklist” of the beliefs you think your friends should have.

This can cause a great amount of distress as you worry about being friends with “one of them.” You cling to that sense of separateness, otherness, and consciously or not, you drift away until you are no longer friends. Or, you try to change your friend’s mind. You try to convert them to your point of view. If only they could see the folly of their thinking. You have the FACTS. If only that person would listen.

Among my friends, some of whom share some beliefs I could not disagree with more, and who I would never dream of trying to “change”, I am lucky enough to say that we have all of these things in common:

We love our country

We desire safety and peace

We want what’s best for our friends and family

We love our dogs/families/friends

We share one or more common activities

We are led by principals

We want to do good in the world

When we focus on what we have in common, we can realize that we are lucky to have the friends we have, and appreciate them, and while we may not believe everything they believe, we do not have to define them or ourselves by our differences.

On Bicycle Safety and Letting Things Go

“Look how he abused me and beat me. How he threw me down and robbed me (and wrecked my bike). Live with such thoughts and you live in hate or abandon such thoughts and live in love.” – the Dhammapada

On July 31, 2009 as I attempted to cross an intersection at which I had the right of way, a dairy truck turned the corner in my direction. I had just enough time to get off my bike before it was crushed under the weight of the truck. I escaped with a minor scratch.

This is the truck that hit my bike. I still see it a couple of times each week:

An hour after the accident, I had my crushed bike and some dairy back at home:

This was my first “real” mountain bike. I had become quite attached to it. I had even made plans to upgrade it’s components in the following months.

It took many months before I finally was able to let the bike go:

It was a lesson in accepting the impermanence of all things.

I got a replacement bike pretty quickly:

 

For many months I seldom rode it.  I had loved biking. It was one of my joys in life. And at the time, I felt like it had been ruined for me.

I was angry at the driver. Angry at the loss of my bike. Angry about having something I enjoyed being “taken” away from me.

I let anger and fear keep me off my bike until one day, I had enough.  I spent an entire morning reading about bicycle safety and the state and local laws at they apply to bicycles.  I thought about the driver and how freaked out he was and how he confided in me that he thought he had killed me when he saw the bike under the truck. I let myself have compassion for him and just decided to let it go.

These two actions brought about a great relief. I wasn’t feeling like a victim any more. I also learned about what actions I could take to ride as safely as possible and what my rights were if something should go wrong again.

I ride with confidence now, and more safely too. For those of you who are interested in riding safely and confidently, this was the best resource that I found:

I am once again a happy, confident, and safe as can be biker:

And don’t worry, this picture was taken in an empty parking lot at low speed.

On Honking at Old Ladies

“The fool in his mischief forgets and he lights the fire in which one day he must burn.” – The Dhammapada

Yes, the dharmaspoon guy has stooped to posting a viral video to illustrate a point. A nice example of cause and effect. And for you skeptics, you are correct, this was staged. Part of a Swedish ad campaign for IKEA., apparently.

On Being Unplugged

“Do not live in the world, in distraction and false dreams…” – The Buddha

I biked to work this morning, like I do most mornings. This morning was a hot one, with the day predicted to get even hotter.

I climbed the three flights of stairs to my floor, sweating more than I care to think about given the absence of showers at my place of business.

I satdown in my chair and was about to “wake up” my sleeping laptop when I noticed this:

That is a picture of the empty dock where I was expecting my laptop to be.

Suddenly, I remembered where it was. I had worked from home yesterday and had managed to leave it there today. It was, ironically, in the same cabinet as my bike bag. In fact, I had to move the laptop out of the way this morning in order to get to it.

I contemplated biking back home, but the time required and the heat of the day compelled me to stay put. It was then that I started to wonder what a work day (well half a day, because I bike home for lunch) would be like without a computer.

I thought about what I use my computer for: email, setting up meetings, creating documents and searching for things on the internet. Yes, there’s the occasional Facebook, shopping and trip planning, but really, the bulk of my time is spent doing work.

No doubt, the computer is helpful, and I could not do my job without it. It does, however, have a downside; it demands constant attention and provides quite a lot of distraction; it encourages multi-tasking and the associated problem of doing a mediocre and inefficient job at many different things as opposed to focusing on doing a good job one task at a time. The biggest problem is that constantly being on the computer puts you in a reactive state of mind. You end up spending your time responding instead of thinking.

On this morning without a computer I have re-read my personal mission statement, values, roles and goals. I have reviewed my work objectives and have planned what I want to accomplish over the next week.  I am handwriting the draft of this very post with  a pen on paper and when I have my laptop back, I will type and publish it.  I am spending time thinking about what I want to accomplish and how I want to accomplish it.  Al in all, it has actually been a productive morning. 

Had to wrap this post up though because my smartphone was flashing that I had a message…

On Surrendering Your Beliefs

“The master surrenders his beliefs…” – the Buddha

When I read this passage, it made me think about how we often go through life based on assumptions about how things are or how they should be, and how little we question those beliefs, even when faced with evidence to the contrary.

It also made me think about an experience we had with our border collie puppy when we presented him with a new toy, a Kong Wobbler. The way it works is that you fill it with kibble and the dog is supposed to figure out that it needs to knock it until the kibble comes out of a small hole in the side.

This video, which is posted on my wife’s blog as well, is a prime example of what I’m talking about. Cadence has been taught the concept of indirect access…if he wants something, he can offer a behavior in order to get it instead of just running up and taking it directly. We encourage that behavior because it helps keep him safe and thinking. It is, however, only one way he can interact with the world. Another way is through the learning of actions and consequences. In this video, Cadence has to drop his belief that this is an indirect access exercise and figure out that instead that his task is actually to interact with the object in order to figure out what actions of his result in the consequence of kibble coming out. It was a joy to watch this process. I hope you think so too.

On Aspiration vs Expectation

This is Maebe. She is World Team fast. This has been a blessing and a challenge. A blessing because her natural drive, speed, intensity and love of the sport means she is capable of extraordinary things.  A challenge because it has also meant that I had no other option but to learn how to play the sport properly and to build the partnership necessary to compete as a team. I am actually very thankful for this challenge because it has forced me to become a better trainer and a better dog owner;  it has forced Maebe to learn to think on her own, to maintain focus, to figure things out.

Given our potential as a team, and some of our accomplishments in the couple of years we have been competing, I have to be diligent in not confusing my aspirations for the two of us with my expectations.

Charlotte Joko Beck says that Aspiration is “Our own true nature seeking to realize and express itself.” When I think if the journey that Maebe and I are on, it is one in which I want to enable us to develop as a team to the best of our ability.

Expectation is something different. It is built on ego. It is the voice that says, to quote Ricky Bobby, the fictional race car driver, “If you’re not first, you’re last.” It is the disappointment in not getting the Double Q; the bitterness over the dropped bar; the dissatisfaction with qualifying but not placing.

I was recently at a trial where I saw several different handlers pull their dogs off because of an off-course (which was due to poor handling). There were some handlers who packed up and left because they didn’t qualify after their first run. These handlers were clearly caught up in their expectations.

At the same trial, I saw handlers happy with their runs, regardless of whether the qualified or placed. Some of these handlers I have known for years and have witnessed their journey from having dogs they could barely control to becoming a team. I am on that same journey. What we have in common is that we all aspire to do the best we can, to learn from our mistakes, and to always keep in mind that regardless of the success or failure that we experience at a particular moment, we can always be satisfied.

On Reward and Punishment

“Reward and punishment is the lowest form of education” - Chuang Tzu
In our society, we place a lot of emphasis on rewards and punishment, especially, especially punishment.  We incarcerate the highest percentage of our population of any other nation. More than 1 in 37 Americans are currently incarcerated. In animal training, despite over 30 years of building scientific evidence that the technology of operant conditioning (in which the animal/person chooses a behavior that leads to a desirable consequence), this method is still a hard sell, as the idea that people/animals need to be controlled/dominated remains engrained.
The problem with the concept of reward and punishment is that it is determined by an outside force (God,  a parent, a dog owner, a police officer) that judges the behavior and then administers the reward/punishment.
In contrast choice and consequences empowers the individual person/animal to engage in a behavior, see what the consequences are, and then decide if the behavior is worth repeating.
We’ve been training our puppy lately to sit calmly on a mat during mealtime. We do not drag him to the mat, force him into a down, and yell at him if he gets up. We also do not start out with a pile of treats on the mat to lure him there and then every time he gets up, lure him back with more treats. Instead, we set up a situation where it is easy for him to choose to get on the mat, when when he chooses to do so, he gets a treat. He has quickly learned that the consequence of going to his mat is that there is a chance he will get a treat. He consistently chooses to go there.
I am personally drawn to Buddhism because it is about individual choices and the consequences of these choices. I can choose to let things bother me(or not). I can choose to do things I regret (or not).  My happiness is a direct result of my thoughts and actions, not by some outside force. This is what works for me. This is why I am a strong believer in positive training instead of punishment.
I choose to write this blog, not because of the possible reward of a “following.” Indeed, according to the latest statistics, I get about 1 reader a week who is not my wife or me. I write it because I enjoy the act of writing it and because I hope that I am able to offer perhaps a new way of looking at some of the things I think we all deal with.

Observations on three types of people who do stuff with their dogs

It is you who must make the effort. The masters only point the way. – The Buddha
If you don’t have the time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over? – John Wooden
After 9 years of having dogs, this is the first year I am really starting to understand (A) what I am doing doing right, (B) what I am doing wrong (and what to do about it), and (C), what I need to be doing.
During this time I have become part of a larger community of people who like to do things with their dogs.  In some cases, I have been participating in the same activities with the same group of people and their dogs year after year. I have taken countless training classes, watched many training videos, attended many training seminars, read many books.
Recently, it has all started to sink in and I am taking my training much more seriously, working much more consistently, and having both positive results and fun in the process.
Among our cohort of dogs and handlers, I have noticed three groups:
1. Those who continue to learn, train, and develop their relationships with their dogs. This group focuses on getting it right, knowing that it will lead to results.
2. Those who dabble in training or thinking about training and just get by. These dogs do some to most of what they’re asked some or most of the time and never really seem to improve. This group focuses on getting results, often taking shortcuts that make it hard to perform consistently (or consistently well). These shortcuts only take the handler so far and in fact, end up costing time.
3. Those who do not take the time to train and while they love their dogs, are often frustrated by them and either do not understand why nothing is changing or why the dogs don’t just “get it” after all these years. 
If you’re in the third group, use your frustration to motivate you to learn more. Find the people who do well and find out what they’re doing that you’re not.
If you’re in the second group, practice what you know. Learn what you don’t. There are no shortcuts.
If you’re in the first group, share what you know, learn from those who know more than you, and remember that your work is never done.

On Rabid Bicycle Haters From Hell

“’Look how he abused me and beat me, how he threw me down and robbed me.’ Abandon such thoughts and live in love.” – Dhammapada: Choices

“Look to your own faults, what you have done or left undone. Overlook the faults of others.” Dhammapada: Flowers

“Never speak harsh words for they will rebound upon you and the hurt rebounds.” Dhammapada: Violence

Over the weekend Dharmaspoon Gal and I went on a bike ride to Hell. On the way there, a woman passed us, rolled down her window and proceeded to rant at us as she passed by. We caught up to her at an intersection, where she once again rolled down her window and as she turned and drove away, continued to shout at us.

Neither of us actually heard anything that she was saying. When she passed, it was too windy to hear. When she was pulling away at the intersection, she was just out of earshot. What you could tell was the angry seething tone of the message.

There were a couple of ways that one or both of us could reacted. In the past, I would have been caught up in her anger and at least have been angry right back, perhaps responding with a gesture or comment of my own. I probably would have let it ruin the ride for me. Instead we did the following:

1. We looked  to see if there was anything we did to trigger the tirade. For example, were we in her way or breaking the law with our riding? The law requires that bicyclists stay as far to the right as is practical and in some towns you cannot ride two-abreast. We were riding on a wide shoulder and single file. We were easy to pass. There was no oncoming traffic. We couldn’t think of anything we could have done differently. It’s possible she didn’t like the bike shorts or shirts, but, at that point, what can you do?

2. We felt compassion for the woman. To be on that short of a fuse must be sad. Who knows what is going on in her life that the mere presence of cyclists could set her off.

3. We let it go. It was an instant relief to just let it go. To not get worked up or pissed off. The one thing in common with road rage incidents involving bicyclists is that the bicyclist engages the angry individual and there is an escalation. Often the driver is looking to start something. It’s best not to give them a reason.

You don’t have to be biking to have something similar happen to you. You could be running, driving, standing in line at the grocery store, minding your own business at the bar, and for whatever reason, someone can start something with you.  Let it go. If you have to, defend yourself. Whatever you do, don’t escalate. Let cooler heads prevail.

From Blackberries to Blueberries and Raspberries

“Mistake the the false for the true and the true for the false, you overlook your heart and fill yourself with desire.” – the Buddha

Every Wednesday for the last few years we pick up our Community Support Agriculture farm share at the local farmer’s market. We get just enough produce to feed the two of us, with a little left over to store away.

Last summer, I was in the midst of a management role that required a lot of travel. Indeed, there were many Wednesdays last summer where my wife had to pick up the share on her own while I was running around with my Blackberry, sitting in airports and meeting rooms, thinking this is what you had to do; Must keep moving up.  A lot of the share ended up being wasted that summer.

Realizing that this was no way to live, that other things in life were more important, I planned my exit strategy and wound up exactly where I wanted. Today marks my last day before I start that new role.  In a few minutes, I drop off my Blackberry, and focus on making sure I am around to pick up the blueberries and raspberries at the Farmer’s Market instead.

On Dead Neighbors and Bloating Dogs

“Make each day your masterpiece.” – John Wooden

“Do not do what you will regret. Do only what you do not regret, and fill yourself with joy.” – The Buddha

A few weekends ago, we noticed a lot of activity at our neighbor’s house across the street. It looked like she was moving, except we never saw her. Over the course of the weekend, people came, loaded trucks, left and came back and left again. Finally, all that was left were things not worth moving.

Our neighbor was quiet, friendly, and kept to herself. Every now and then we’d smile and wave to each other. Never had a conversation. Didn’t really know her.

In the subsequent weeks, some additional things were removed from the house by people we didn’t recognize. If I was not shy, I may have crossed the street and asked what was going on.

Still, I was curious, so, through the power of the internets, my wife and I searched public property records and got a name. From the name came an obituary column.

Her name was Mary. She was 50. She worked for the University. She died unexpectedly (three months prior).

I never saw her without a smile on her face. I like to believe she passed with no regrets, no worries of work unfinished.

During this period of detective work, a friend of ours noticed that her dog was experiencing signs of gastric distress while she was working at home. This friend of ours is very careful in monitoring the health of her pets and does not hesitate to rush them to the vet if she has any doubts. We are the same way. Well, it turned out that she got him to the vet not a moment too soon. His stomach had essentially twisted on itself, resulting in a life threatening condition known as bloat. If she had showered (as she was preparing to do), he would have died. Instead, she got him to the vet, they did an emergency surgery, and he’s on the way to a full recovery.

These events got me thinking about how important it is to live each day as well as we can, to not procrastinate, to not take what is important to us for granted, and to appreciate each day as a mini-life that we get to live, hopefully as a masterpiece, and with no regrets.

On Ladders and the inhabitants of my cubicle

“Let them know my work, let everyone look to me for direction…one way leads to wealth and fame, the other to the end of the way…” – the Buddha

“If the ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step we take just gets us to the wrong place faster” – Stephen R. Covey

About 16 months ago, I left a position at work that I loved to work in another department.  The motivation then was largely driven by an idea that I had subscribed to that one must keep moving up the ladder, take all opportunities available, make more money, get more recognition, etc.

A cost of this decision, was an ever  increasing difficulty in maintaining work/life balance. I was stressed and distracted (and as a consequence, not fun to be with). Travel was unpredictable, yet constant. I stopped playing with the toys in my cube. I became a compulsive Blackberry checker.

Eventually, it became clear, that enough was enough.  I had “dropped” by Blackberry in the toilet, but that wasn’t doing it .  I had to get out of there. For about 6 months, I plotted my exit, and now I am pleased to announce that next week I will be returning to the place in my company in which I was happiest.

In preparation for that transition, today I moved to my new cubicle. I still have another week at the old job, and then fittingly, I start my new one officially on Independence Day (the first day of the first pay period in July).

Until then, my Blackberry is off.

On paying attention to the wrong thing

“Do not live in the world, in distraction and false dreams…” – The Buddha

I take pride in noticing little details. Like, I’ll be crossing a railroad track and notice it stamped on the side with Carnegie Steel 1943. I will imagine the journey that piece of steel took from mine to smelting operation to the gandy dancer hammering in the spikes to hold it in place.  I can tell you on what day the plastic dinosaur  in our neighbor’s yard started pointing a different direction (Monday), and make up a story about the circumstances under which it first ended up in the yard and then how it came to change position. I can tell you what is different today with the house that is under construction that we pass every day while walking the dogs and think about what it must be like to have a job where you work with your own hands and at the end of the day you can actually see what you have accomplished. What I can’t tell you, at times, is what the heck Tristan or Maebe just ate while I was pondering the steel or the dinousaur or the house. Hopefully it was just grass.

On Flirting with Dirt

“Let go of winning and losing and find joy.”

Last weekend I competed in the Flirt with Dirt 5K.  I was one of about 200 competitors that Saturday morning. Another 400 were there to run the 10K. 

I always get emotional at races, especially running races. To me, it’s a beautiful thing to see people all assembled, and to think of all of the different paths they’ve taken to make it to the point where they’re racing.  Personally, I use races to see what I can do when I give it my all and what I should work on with my training. As I walked around prior to the race, I met people who had never run a race. I overheard a Father tell his daughter about how all that mattered was that she did her best. I saw old people and young people. Thin people and those of generous proportions.  All about to run the same race, yet all about to run hundreds of different races.

Over the years, I have participated in many different races, but what made this one special was that the competitors, by and large, seemed to be in it for the joy of the sport.

That is not to say there weren’t serious athletes. In fact, there were some great performances. In particular, there was a woman who won the 5K (beating all of the 200+ 5k runners, regardless of gender) and then 15 minutes later, participated in the 10K and got second place.

What was different was the tone. Usually at a race you have the people who are in it to win (or think they can) crowing each other at the front, jockeying for the best position. At this race, participants were reluctant to step up to the line. Eventually a handful of people (all of who did end up finishing at the top) filtered through the crowd to the front.

On the trail, athletes were polite, alerting you if they were about to pass (and those being passed would move out of the way). Someone fell at one point and another competitor (these were both people near the front of the pack) stopped to ask if the person was ok.

The end of the race was perhaps most different. There weren’t medals, but shoes for the overall top finishers and coffee mugs for the age groupers and all of the children who ran, regardless of placement. It was all pretty low key, with people not really being into who won. It was more about people who enjoy running just hanging out.

Looking back, I can see how the title of the event was more than just good alliteration. It set the tone that we were not to take any of it too seriously, and we didn’t.

On Karma and Dead Raccoons

"Intention, monks, is karma, I say.  Having willed, one acts through body, speech and mind." - the Buddha

This morning, when I let the dogs out, there was more commotion than usual.  Immediately, they disappeared behind the shed. I figured they were chasing squirrels, which is typical, and harmless, as the squirrels are much faster (and dare I say smarter) than the dogs. Imagine my surprise, then, when seconds later a panicked Django barreled past with an adult raccoon hanging off his side. As I rushed towards the two of them, the raccoon released herself and retreated to the top of our fence. At that moment, I noticed Jade had a baby raccoon in his jaws and was alternately shaking it violently and driving it into the ground. Somehow, and it is all a blur to me, I got Jade to drop the raccoon and got all of the dogs back inside. When I came out, I had made it in time to see the baby draw it's last breath. Impermanence surrounds us.

I called my wife, still pretty freaked out by the whole ordeal, trying to figure out what to do next. She headed home immediately to assist. I then left a message for my boss that is probably one of the more unusual ones she has received: "I'm going to be a little late. The dogs got into a family of raccoons and now I have a bit dog (it turns out this was not true) and a dead raccoon on my hands."

As I waited for my wife to return home, I watched from inside the house as the mother raccoon came back for her baby and carried the lifeless body over the fence and into the underbrush.

When my wife came home, mother raccoon watched us from a tree as we examined the dogs for wounds. We found none. If you could have seen mother raccoon in that tree, you would know that they too feel loss.

For whatever reason, I find myself connected the woes of the local raccoon population.  A few weeks ago, I wrote about a dinner party in which the host bragged of bludgeoning one to death, for no real reason. This act, if  it indeed happened as described, was an example of how one accumulates bad karma. The actor in that story struck the animal with intent to harm, to kill, for no real reason (whether it is ever ok is the subject of intense debate and gives the dharmaspoon guy a headache to even think about. he worries it's a pretty slippery slope). 

 

In today's story my own actions set in course a chain of events resulting in the death of a baby raccoon.  The karmic difference between the two stories is that in the earlier story, there was intent with malice. In this story, there was no intent on my part and only the inborn predatory response on the dog's part.

Today I am thankful that the dogs seem to be uninjured, the baby passed quickly, and hopefully you now have a good example of the same outcome from two different karmic paths (would rather have just had a hard time coming up with a topic instead of being "given" this example).

Off to the vet for Rabies booster shots...

On Why BP's Stock Price May be Down in the Dumps

"…The fool in his mischief forgets, and he lights the fire in which one day he must burn." – the Buddha

Living with integrity means doing the right thing, especially when it is difficult.  When you cut one corner one time, it makes the next time so much easier, until eventually, the corner cutting is now your process. It might not be today, it might not be tomorrow, but one day, this all catches up with you. And when it does, you pay the consequences.   The mess that is going on in the Gulf Coast is an extreme example of this. And one of the things that enabled it is the apparent disregard for the connection between actions and consequences. 

On consequence is that this is what BP's share price looks like:

BP is baffled, just mystified :

Well, BP, maybe this is the reason:

None of us can escape the consequences of our actions. And sometimes we cannot escape the consequences of the actions of others.

Let's hope that there is a change in position and an acceptance of responsibility, and most importantly, action, to undo the damage done...

On Inaccurate Maps

Something that makes us human is our tendency to try to make the world less overwhelming by placing things into categories, with those things we know the least being placed in the biggest scariest buckets.

The first maps depicted known lands in relatively high detail while relegating the unknown/unexplored to large areas of empty space, sometimes occupied by sea monsters.  The map above, picked up on a trip last year to Texas reflects the attitude of many a person I met while there.

Where we are from often distorts our view of the world around us. I am from New Jersey, yet have never said "Joisee" in my life, nor have ever met anyone who pronounces it that way. Except people who are not from New Jersey who find out I'm from New Jersey and say, almost to a person, "Oh, you're from 'Joisee'."

Recently, Dharmaspoon Gal, Maebe, Django, Cadence and I took a road trip through "Miss Again", "Old High", "Canned Turkey", "Ten Seeds", All Hammy", Judgy", and finally to "Swamp Land. "

Being from the North, I confess that I had my own preconceived notions about who I may meet, how we may be treated and what we would encounter.  Think "Deliverance." I didn't want to squeal like a pig.

For some, the war between the states has never ended. In the South, you still see some signs of the Confederacy. Literally. Like giant rebel flags and monuments to various Confederate figures. It's not in your face, all the time, and when it is, it's out there. In the North, things are much more insidious. It's more a patronizing elitist attitude.

Largely I found the people I came across to be either just like the people from Miss Again, but with a Southern accent or maybe a little more outgoing. Not once did I hear banjo music and start to get freaked out. I learned some neat expressions, like "it's coming a flood" to mean it's pouring rain. In Swamp Land, I did have a guy get a little too interested in what we were ordering at the Chinese restaurant, but I think he was just being friendly.

I think that we all need to explore the terrain once in awhile to see how accurate our maps are and to update them if necessary.

On Two Joyces and the Elephant

"Safe!" - Jim Joyce, Umpire
"A man's errors are the portals of discovery." - James Joyce, Writer
"Do not carry with you your mistakes. Do not carry your cares." - The Buddha (in the Elephant verse of the Dhammapada)

The dharmaspoon guy has too short an attention span for baseball, but all he has heard about from his co-workers since Thursday has been talk of a bad call by the veteran umpire, Jim Joyce, at a Major League Baseball game between the Tigers and the Indians that resulted in the Tiger's pitcher, Armando Galarraga being "Robbed" of a perfect game (one in which not a single member of the opposing team was credited with a hit), which is pretty rare and kind of a big deal.


Following the game, the umpire was able to watch a video of the call and admitted it was a bad call, and apologized to Galarraga. Footage of the umpire in the aftermath of the game showed a humbled, sad man who showed remorse over the mistake. Scheduled to umpire the following day for the same two teams at the same stadium, he showed up to a mostly supportive crowd (although had to endure some booing). The pitcher came out and publicly shook Joyce's hand and patted him on the back. The game went on without a hitch.


For fans of baseball, no doubt it would have been a beautiful thing for the Tigers to have their first perfect game, but for people everywhere, what a great example has been set for how to conduct yourself after a mistake has been made. First, there's Joyce, who admitted he was wrong, apologized, and then showed up the next day and did the best job he could do. Next, there's Galarraga, who accomplished something great in the sport, yet will not be officially recognized for it, yet handled his disappointment with dignity and grace: in the immediate aftermath, he actually just smiled and then walked away. Finally, there are the majority of the fans, who recognized that Joyce represents our basic humanity, that despite our best efforts, we sometimes make mistakes.

On Doing Things Properly

"Before we do anything, we should always ask ourselves whether we will be able to do it properly and complete it.  If the answer is no, we should not start." - The Dalai Lama

I love taking pictures and I am somewhat crafty, so I thought that it would be fun to make my wife a cargo bag with pictures of one of her dogs all over it. I had a photo project book with plans and thought it would be relatively inexpensive to make, and so started off in earnest.  True, I had not used a sewing machine since the 7^th grade and true, I had never used the complicated photo software that was required to get the pictures the exact size that I needed, but I knew that I could do it.

I started out by downloading some free photo editing software.  Loaded my pictures. Struggled with the software for a few hours (thought it would take a few minutes) but prevailed.

My wife and I picked out some fabric for the bag, which came to about $15. Spent another  $20 on some photo canvas. The kind that you can use in a home printer. Except, as I was to find out, MY home printer.

I tried and tried to get the printer to take the canvas, to no avail. OK, I thought, I’ll just take it to Kinko’s. Maybe I can supply them with the canvas, which was letter size and they could just print a color copy on it. Wrong. They would not use my canvas, but told me they would be happy to print it out on their machine, at a cost of $100.

Once I start something, I finish it, but I was going to be damned if I was going to pay Kinko’s $100 to print the pictures. I decided to shop around. I went to another printing place and discovered that a) no one wanted to touch my photo canvas and b) it really costs $100 to do what I wanted.

Still, on principal, I was not going to let my photo canvas go to waste, and I wasn’t going to pay $100 to get the job done. I started to research printers and found one for $150 that would take the photo canvas. I wasn’t happy about getting it, but it had all sorts of whistles and bells and I could then use it for other projects, so at least I’d get something for my money beyond a onetime printing.

Excited, I got home and printed out the pictures. Had to throw out the first canvas as it was printed in the wrong mode and didn’t look right. Printed out the rest. Used up almost all of the ink. Once I laid them out side by side, I realized that they were the wrong size. I was out of ink and out of canvas, so now I had to order them, at a combined cost of $60. 

One week later, the new canvas came in. Printed everything out, the correct size this time. Now the only thing left was to sew.  In other times, I may have attempted to do this myself, but finally, I realized that I was in over my head and so deferred to my wife, who has much better skills in this area.

My wife finished the bag, and it came out very well. While the initial idea was to make it for her completely, this ended up being a nice way to do it because we got to work on it together.

So, in the end, we made the bag, properly and completely. The path there was not easy and it was not cheap, but we did not give up. I think that is important as there are too many things in life we start but never finish…

Why you should never bring dessert to a dinner party with mostly strangers

"Offend in neither word nor deed. Eat with moderation. Live in your heart." - the Buddha

The above quote reminded the Dharmaspoon Guy of a dinner party he and his wife recently attended. I perhaps should have shared the quote with the guests. Highlights of the evening's surreal events are described below. I warn you that several animals are harmed/killed in the telling of this story, so reader, beware:

“…so, I decided that I have had enough. I wait out in the garage, for him to come back. Well, eventually he does, and so I corner him and start beating him with the shovel…and he’s not having any of it…he’s giving me quite a hard time…”

“Pardon”, I say, thinking maybe I’ve heard something wrong, suspecting that I hadn’t.

I guess it’s my fault. I had been trying to tune out the incessant chatter, instead focusing intensely on my fork, wondering if I stuck it into my hand if it would be less painful than enduring the rest of the conversation.

I usually pride myself in being able to endure brutal dinner conversation, yet I was unprepared – from the domineering, pedantic, dinner host, who apparently made something of a past time of bludgeoning small animals to death, to Herman and Agnes (not their real names, although they probably deserve to have them used), the insufferable couple who monopolized most of the conversation, alternately by describing their dull and uninteresting jobs in excruciating detail, and coming up with fantastic lies built off of random things said in conversation, like it was some kind of improvisational exercise. And maybe it was. How else could you explain discussion that included talk of firemen burning down houses “to make a point”, theories about how the homeless guys with signs at highway exits all make $300 a day and are actually part of the mafia, descriptions of how Guatemalans ride on top of trains even though “there are no seats up there, so they have to hang on tight”, and the fact that if anyone did actually have something interesting to say, a few second later, Agnes would remember that she had the same thing happen to her or had an encounter with one of the players in the story. Like if you said there was an arsonist in your town in the ‘80s, she’d say that she remembers, that the arsonist was in fact her neighbor, and that she had tried to burn her car, “but it didn’t take.”

With the exception of my wife, the only other people at the party worth talking to were in exile at the far corners of the room. Had my wife not been directing all of her resources to preventing herself from actually leaping across the table and throttling the female member of the insufferable couple, we may have talked.

“I said, I was beating the raccoon with the shovel, and he was giving me a hard time…”

Why did I bring dessert? It pretty much guaranteed that we would be there for the duration. I thought of making some other excuse, so we could leave early, but I really liked the pie plate we brought. It was actually a nice piece of pottery and I didn’t want to abandon it.

“Oh.” I said, hoping the rest of the story was about a rabid animal that had been terrorizing the household… “Did it seem rabid?,” I asked hopefully.

“How should I know?”, the host replied. “Anyhow, the raccoon kept getting into the food, so it had to go…”

“So you beat it with a shovel?”

“I believe in a fair fight”, he said, with no sense of irony.

I wanted to ask him if the raccoon had a shovel too, but I got the sense that if I kept it up, I would be next. He continued to describe the act of bludgeoning the animal to death.  He really got into the story and when he was done, we all sat there in stunned silence. For about 30 seconds. Then Aggie cleared her throat and announced: “There was this one time I came home and Herman was beating a rooster with a 2 x 4…”

Some compost

“If you determine your course with force or speed, you miss the way” – the Buddha

I enjoy writing the way some people enjoy taxidermy. I enjoy the details. I like to capture something, deconstruct it, reconstruct it, and present it in a way that is a somewhat idealized or amplified version of what I started with.  Add some meaning, some interpretation to it. Build a story around it. When you see a stuffed bear, I doubt the person who dispatched it confronted an 11 foot growling menace, standing on its hind legs, swiping at the hunter before finally being subdued after a lengthy bout of hand to hand combat.  More likely is a scenario involving sneaking up on the doomed bear and shooting it before it even knew what was happening.  

I don’t rush my writing, because doing so makes you end up with the written equivalent of pulling a radish out of the ground before its ready. You can’t force it. 

I always have a number of ideas of what I would like to write floating around in my head. There is often a gap from a few days to a few years before I actually put pen to paper.  In Writing Down the Bones, author Natalie Goldberg calls this waiting process “Composting” and it’s something I have been doing without having a name for it for some time.

For awhile now, I have wanted to write a poem that expresses my love for my wife. Poetry is something I know very little about and write even less. I mainly stick to short stories.  Still, I felt I had at least one in me. I just didn’t know how to get it out. So I waited and I waited.

The other day, and don’t ask me why, I was researching the meaning our names and when I saw what they were, I knew that the poem was ready to come out:

young wolf and messenger from god

i, young wolf, have wed

messenger from god

who has taught me beauty and love

and truth and grace

i keep her safe and protect her

and she, me

together we walk in the same direction

to nowhere and everywhere in particular

                                                            -dsg

On noticing the details: The monkey in the theater

I was sitting in the doctor’s office the other day and there was a picture of a local historic theater on the examination room wall. It was a highly detailed ink drawing that, at a distance, looked like a black and white photograph. To the right of the picture was block of text almost the same size as the picture. The text summarized the history of the building, noted the specific make, models, and years of the cars in the foreground, and recounted the story of the opening night of the theater; which apparently involved dancing girls and a loose monkey climbing in the moviegoer’s laps while the theater’s owner and staff, Keystone Cop-like, tried to capture it. I learned that there was originally a bowling alley in the basement and that the carpets and water fountains were exact replicas of the ones found in the Roxy Theater in New York City. 

When people visit us, I often take them on what I like to call semi-speculative historical tours.  My narrative is a mix of things that I have heard, things that I have read, and things that may well be true about the various structures, streets, and natural features of my fair city.

People politely listen and silently wonder why we can’t just walk from point a to point b without a lecture seem to appreciate learning these tid-bits as much as I do and I think it really adds to the enjoyment of the visit.

Whenever I am some place new or come across something that is old, I learn whatever I can about it. I read every sign. Listen to every story. Google and Wikipedia the heck out of it. I think it makes me able to appreciate it more. Plus, it kills me not to know how things came to be.

Prius Driving Whole Foods Shopping Litter-bugging Hypocrites

On my bicycle commute to work I rode past a Whole Foods Market shopping bag filled to the brim with trash, lying in the middle of the road.  I was reminded of the following passage in the Dhammapada: "Bright but senseless are the fine but empty words of the man who does not mean what he says."  A few weeks ago, I read about a research project in Canada that, according to the authors, demonstrates that when we do things that we think are good, we accumulate a sort of credit that allows us to be ironically less altruistic in our future interactions. I couldn't help but picture someone, upon finishing their $40 hot bar dinner on the way back from their post-yoga shopping trip throwing the bag out of their Prius window. Upon further reflection, I decided that this was not really a fair or productive exercise and finally recognized that it's not like I stopped to pick it up. I was too busy condemning the imaginary scofflaw (who I am sure was listening to his ipod at the time.) This brings me to perhaps the more relevant part of that passage: "Look to your own faults. What you have done or left undone. Overlook the faults of others." And still I try...

You can read the article yourself and decide what you think: http://pss.sagepub.com/content/early/2010/03/01/0956797610363538.full

Pride vs Self Confidence Part 2: Self Confidence (some things I am good at)

The Dalai Lama says: "Self confidence is not to be confused with pride. Pride is thinking highly of oneself without good reason. Self confidence is knowing that one has the ability to do something properly and being determined not to give up."

I'm a lot like my breed of choice, the border collie. I need constant activity, love learning new things, and am compulsive, athletic, and a little weird.  I am always open to new experiences, and through this openness, I have discovered that there are a few things that I am really good at. For example, even though I don't hunt and am not into guns, I am an excellent shot. I make a pie that will ruin all other pies for you. I build great campfires and without the assistance of gasoline and cardboard. I'm an excellent middle-distance runner. Writing comes naturally to me, as does reading people. I notice obscure details and have a freaky long memory for odd facts and events. I'm a quick study with anything technical. I can adjust the front and rear dérailleurs on a bicycle, along with the brakes. I'm an expert trip planner. My dog and I will compete in agility at the world level if I keep learning and training and trying.

Most of these things I have discovered an aptitude for by accident and then developed those skills which are of value to me. I bring these things up, not as a way to brag, but to encourage you to try new things, to take stock of what you are naturally good at, and to think about what you may want to develop.

Pride vs Self Confidence Part 1: Pride (or the time I almost electrocuted myself and in the process made a $30 lamp cost $235)

The Dalai Lama says: "Self confidence is not to be confused with pride. Pride is thinking highly of oneself without good reason. Self confidence is knowing that one has the ability to do something properly and being determined not to give up."

About a year ago, I bought a $30 lamp from IKEA to hang over our kitchen table. It was a pendulum style lamp that hangs from a hook in the ceiling and then has a cord that you plug into a switched outlet.  It has a fancy made up Nordic name, like ILLUMO with those little dots over the "U" and a cross through the "O."  Anyhow, the switched outlet that I was to plug the lamp into was kind of old and grimy, so I thought that I would replace that as well. Found one that seemed to fit the bill for another $5.  Now, I am in no way an electrician. I have done some basic plumbing repairs with success, and thought - it's like plumbing, but with wires. I own an outlet current detector and know enough to switch off the circuit breaker prior to doing such work and I can follow directions like - secure the green wire with the copper screw according to the diagram - and thought, with nothing to back it up, that yeah,  I can do that. I placed my outlet current detector into the outlet and it lit up. I went to the circuit breaker and started flipping the switches until the light went out. I thought I was good to go.  I pried the ancient faceplate off of the switch and got down to the business of unscrewing it from the wall. Oddly, there were like twice as many wires as I was expecting. None of them had any of the colors I was expecting. There was only black and white and the copper ground wire. Based on the placement of the screws of the old vs the new switch, I tried to figure out how to "map" one to the other. When I thought I had it, I went to unscrew the wires. When I did, I got a bit of a jolt and dropped my screwdriver. Another circuit breaker tripped. Found out one electrician and $200 later that:
1. The wiring was old, hence the lack of predictable colors (but was at least in good shape)
2. There were actually two circuits running to this outlet, which was a bit unusual
3. I didn't know what the heck I was doing and could have gotten myself killed because I didn't want to call someone over to do a job that I thought I could do, with nothing back it up.
Thankfully, there was no serious harm done and I learned an important lesson about pride.

Right Speech

Before you open your mouth to speak, ask yourself these two questions:
1. Is it true?
2. Is it useful?

When we are untruthful, we are presenting things as we wish them to be, not as they are. So we are fooling ourselves and others and in doing so, commit a great disservice to both.

When we are truthful, we are presenting things as we believe them to be, which may or not be as they are. So we have to be careful and skillful in sharing what is true to us.

Sometimes we have to decide which truths are worth sharing. In positive dog training, you focus on what the dog does right and what the handler does right. Gradually, the handler and dog do the "right" thing more and more often and the "wrong" things disappear. Now if one was to point out what was "wrong" all of the time, this would still be true, but it wouldn't be useful.

So, it's not enough to be truthful. We need to think about what to emphasize, how ready the person is to hear it, and to be cognizant that our truth may not be someone else's.

And that's ok.

Violence

“All beings tremble before violence. All fear death. All love life.”

Spiders scare the bejesus out of me make me uncomfortable.  I don’t know if it’s all of the eyes, or the legs, or knowing that some of them can bite and are venomous. Maybe it’s the way they can suddenly drop from the ceiling and stop right in front of your nose. Perhaps it’s their manner of procuring sustenance, namely by trapping and immobilizing, and then digesting their prey from the inside without actually killing them immediately.

I have killed many spiders over the course of my life. Not out of hate. Out of fear. I can think of one in particular, the size of a baseball, on which I unloaded an entire can of Raid and then, for good measure, hit with a shovel. Repeatedly. For about 10 minutes before I was able to believe that it was actually dead.

I have never felt comfortable killing spiders, because on some level, I am aware that I am taking a life.  Yet I am afraid and I don’t want to have to abandon my home, knowing that somewhere a spider lurks. The end result is that if I see a spider and it is in my house, I have felt that I didn’t have any other choice.

The act of killing a spider (aside from that baseball sized one that was outside our old condo under a balcony) involves finding a large flat object, like a magazine, sneaking up on it, and bashing it to smithereens. During the entire process, my autonomic system is going into overdrive. I feel like it’s hunt or be hunted. It’s very unpleasant.

A few months ago, I heard the story of a famous animal trainer, who as a guest in someone’s house, came across a spider in the bathroom. The guest instructed everyone in the household to leave the spider alone, as he was going to train it. Over the course of a few days, the trainer was able to get the spider to go to a “target” on command. The trainer used nothing more than the technology of positive reinforcement. He figured out something to reward the spider with (never found out what) and a way to let the spider know a reward was coming (a clicker), and when the spider headed towards the target, he clicked and then rewarded until the spider could do it on command.

Hearing this story did not completely eliminate my fear of spiders. It did force me to see see the spider as a sentient being with a right to not to suffer a horrible death, just because it made me uncomfortable. It made me wonder what I would do the next time I saw one.

Just the other day, I had my first opportunity to see what I would do. I found not one but two spiders in our home. I decided I really didn’t have the stomach to kill them and yet I really couldn’t stand to have them in the house. Thinking about other ways to remove them, I settled upon grabbing a jar and knocking them off the wall and into the jar, which worked just fine. I captured them and released them into our yard, without incident.

Something amazing happened in the process. I was calm the whole time. I didn’t feel shaken afterwards. What I realized was that my stress symptoms were actually related to my discomfort with killing than with my fear of spiders.

The next time you see an insect you would kill (although I might draw the line at mosquitoes and deer flies), try to capture and then release it and see if it feels anything different to you.  

The Way

"It is you who must make the effort. The masters only point the way."

This is our collection of dog training DVDs. There are probably 100s of hours of instruction included. We have attended agility seminars and training conferences and camps.

I've read and watched maybe 10% of this pile. And I've personally applied maybe 5% (my wife has a much better track record).  Over the years, we've added to the collection, sometimes in our enthusiasm over the next new thing: the latest Selo/Garrett/Derrett etc. video has come out. Sometimes because we're responding to a specific issue: Tristan's lame, wouldn't it be nice to be able to know how to massage him properly.

After years of being a lazy trainer, I have realized that what this Dhammapada passage says is true. I must make the effort. All of these books and DVDs and seminars are guides. They all tell me the same things. I need to trust that I can do something with all this information and act.

So, I have started to plan my training sessions. To think about the results I want. To videotape the sessions to see if I am doing what I think I am doing.

And it is hard and it is a bit overwhelming at times, but it is also fun and rewarding. Kind of like life.

Some of my favorite lists

Came across the gargoyle below and it made me think of the importance of lists in our lives.














There are to-do lists, grocery lists, honey-do lists, and of course, commandments. Below are a few of my favorite lists. Perhaps this is the first time that core tenants of a major religion and an agility handling system have been presented side-by-side. I’m pretty sure it’s not the first time that one has been confused for the other though… So, without further ado, I present to you the lists:

Four Noble Truths
1. The truth of suffering (we get attached to things that can change, and when they do, we suffer
2. The truth of the origin of suffering (we crave the things we are attached to)
3. The truth of the cessation of suffering (there is a way to end suffering)
4. The truth of the path to end suffering (follow the 8 fold path)

Eight Fold Path
1. Right view
2. Right thought
3. Right speech
4. Right action
5. Right livelihood
6. Right effort
7. Right mindfulness
8. Right concentration

Five Precepts
1. Don't kill
2. Don't steal
3. Don't engage in sexual misconduct
4. Don't lie
5. Don't drink in excess*

*

If you’re Jack Kerouac and are writing a book about this stuff, you may even drop this precept all together. Of course, if you are Jack Kerouac, you died a number of years ago due to complications from alcoholism, so it’s probably best to keep this one in there.

Greg Derrett Handling System*

1.     Always keep your eye on your dog

2.     Handle with the arm and leg closest to the dog

3.     Shoulders face in the dog’s direction of travel until the dog has committed to the obstacle

4.     A front cross should be completed at the closest point to the next obstacle

5.     Front crosses should only be completed where there is a change in direction

*as summarized in Clean Run magazine