On my bicycle commute to work I rode past a Whole Foods Market shopping bag filled to the brim with trash, lying in the middle of the road. I was reminded of the following passage in the Dhammapada: "Bright but senseless are the fine but empty words of the man who does not mean what he says." A few weeks ago, I read about a research project in Canada that, according to the authors, demonstrates that when we do things that we think are good, we accumulate a sort of credit that allows us to be ironically less altruistic in our future interactions. I couldn't help but picture someone, upon finishing their $40 hot bar dinner on the way back from their post-yoga shopping trip throwing the bag out of their Prius window. Upon further reflection, I decided that this was not really a fair or productive exercise and finally recognized that it's not like I stopped to pick it up. I was too busy condemning the imaginary scofflaw (who I am sure was listening to his ipod at the time.) This brings me to perhaps the more relevant part of that passage: "Look to your own faults. What you have done or left undone. Overlook the faults of others." And still I try...
You can read the article yourself and decide what you think: http://pss.sagepub.com/content/early/2010/03/01/0956797610363538.full
Friday, April 30, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Pride vs Self Confidence Part 2: Self Confidence (some things I am good at)
The Dalai Lama says: "Self confidence is not to be confused with pride. Pride is thinking highly of oneself without good reason. Self confidence is knowing that one has the ability to do something properly and being determined not to give up."
I'm a lot like my breed of choice, the border collie. I need constant activity, love learning new things, and am compulsive, athletic, and a little weird. I am always open to new experiences, and through this openness, I have discovered that there are a few things that I am really good at. For example, even though I don't hunt and am not into guns, I am an excellent shot. I make a pie that will ruin all other pies for you. I build great campfires and without the assistance of gasoline and cardboard. I'm an excellent middle-distance runner. Writing comes naturally to me, as does reading people. I notice obscure details and have a freaky long memory for odd facts and events. I'm a quick study with anything technical. I can adjust the front and rear dérailleurs on a bicycle, along with the brakes. I'm an expert trip planner. My dog and I will compete in agility at the world level if I keep learning and training and trying.
Most of these things I have discovered an aptitude for by accident and then developed those skills which are of value to me. I bring these things up, not as a way to brag, but to encourage you to try new things, to take stock of what you are naturally good at, and to think about what you may want to develop.
I'm a lot like my breed of choice, the border collie. I need constant activity, love learning new things, and am compulsive, athletic, and a little weird. I am always open to new experiences, and through this openness, I have discovered that there are a few things that I am really good at. For example, even though I don't hunt and am not into guns, I am an excellent shot. I make a pie that will ruin all other pies for you. I build great campfires and without the assistance of gasoline and cardboard. I'm an excellent middle-distance runner. Writing comes naturally to me, as does reading people. I notice obscure details and have a freaky long memory for odd facts and events. I'm a quick study with anything technical. I can adjust the front and rear dérailleurs on a bicycle, along with the brakes. I'm an expert trip planner. My dog and I will compete in agility at the world level if I keep learning and training and trying.
Most of these things I have discovered an aptitude for by accident and then developed those skills which are of value to me. I bring these things up, not as a way to brag, but to encourage you to try new things, to take stock of what you are naturally good at, and to think about what you may want to develop.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Pride vs Self Confidence Part 1: Pride (or the time I almost electrocuted myself and in the process made a $30 lamp cost $235)
The Dalai Lama says: "Self confidence is not to be confused with pride. Pride is thinking highly of oneself without good reason. Self confidence is knowing that one has the ability to do something properly and being determined not to give up."
About a year ago, I bought a $30 lamp from IKEA to hang over our kitchen table. It was a pendulum style lamp that hangs from a hook in the ceiling and then has a cord that you plug into a switched outlet. It has a fancy made up Nordic name, like ILLUMO with those little dots over the "U" and a cross through the "O." Anyhow, the switched outlet that I was to plug the lamp into was kind of old and grimy, so I thought that I would replace that as well. Found one that seemed to fit the bill for another $5. Now, I am in no way an electrician. I have done some basic plumbing repairs with success, and thought - it's like plumbing, but with wires. I own an outlet current detector and know enough to switch off the circuit breaker prior to doing such work and I can follow directions like - secure the green wire with the copper screw according to the diagram - and thought, with nothing to back it up, that yeah, I can do that. I placed my outlet current detector into the outlet and it lit up. I went to the circuit breaker and started flipping the switches until the light went out. I thought I was good to go. I pried the ancient faceplate off of the switch and got down to the business of unscrewing it from the wall. Oddly, there were like twice as many wires as I was expecting. None of them had any of the colors I was expecting. There was only black and white and the copper ground wire. Based on the placement of the screws of the old vs the new switch, I tried to figure out how to "map" one to the other. When I thought I had it, I went to unscrew the wires. When I did, I got a bit of a jolt and dropped my screwdriver. Another circuit breaker tripped. Found out one electrician and $200 later that:
1. The wiring was old, hence the lack of predictable colors (but was at least in good shape)
2. There were actually two circuits running to this outlet, which was a bit unusual
3. I didn't know what the heck I was doing and could have gotten myself killed because I didn't want to call someone over to do a job that I thought I could do, with nothing back it up.
Thankfully, there was no serious harm done and I learned an important lesson about pride.
About a year ago, I bought a $30 lamp from IKEA to hang over our kitchen table. It was a pendulum style lamp that hangs from a hook in the ceiling and then has a cord that you plug into a switched outlet. It has a fancy made up Nordic name, like ILLUMO with those little dots over the "U" and a cross through the "O." Anyhow, the switched outlet that I was to plug the lamp into was kind of old and grimy, so I thought that I would replace that as well. Found one that seemed to fit the bill for another $5. Now, I am in no way an electrician. I have done some basic plumbing repairs with success, and thought - it's like plumbing, but with wires. I own an outlet current detector and know enough to switch off the circuit breaker prior to doing such work and I can follow directions like - secure the green wire with the copper screw according to the diagram - and thought, with nothing to back it up, that yeah, I can do that. I placed my outlet current detector into the outlet and it lit up. I went to the circuit breaker and started flipping the switches until the light went out. I thought I was good to go. I pried the ancient faceplate off of the switch and got down to the business of unscrewing it from the wall. Oddly, there were like twice as many wires as I was expecting. None of them had any of the colors I was expecting. There was only black and white and the copper ground wire. Based on the placement of the screws of the old vs the new switch, I tried to figure out how to "map" one to the other. When I thought I had it, I went to unscrew the wires. When I did, I got a bit of a jolt and dropped my screwdriver. Another circuit breaker tripped. Found out one electrician and $200 later that:
1. The wiring was old, hence the lack of predictable colors (but was at least in good shape)
2. There were actually two circuits running to this outlet, which was a bit unusual
3. I didn't know what the heck I was doing and could have gotten myself killed because I didn't want to call someone over to do a job that I thought I could do, with nothing back it up.
Thankfully, there was no serious harm done and I learned an important lesson about pride.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Right Speech
Before you open your mouth to speak, ask yourself these two questions:
1. Is it true?
2. Is it useful?
When we are untruthful, we are presenting things as we wish them to be, not as they are. So we are fooling ourselves and others and in doing so, commit a great disservice to both.
When we are truthful, we are presenting things as we believe them to be, which may or not be as they are. So we have to be careful and skillful in sharing what is true to us.
Sometimes we have to decide which truths are worth sharing. In positive dog training, you focus on what the dog does right and what the handler does right. Gradually, the handler and dog do the "right" thing more and more often and the "wrong" things disappear. Now if one was to point out what was "wrong" all of the time, this would still be true, but it wouldn't be useful.
So, it's not enough to be truthful. We need to think about what to emphasize, how ready the person is to hear it, and to be cognizant that our truth may not be someone else's.
And that's ok.
1. Is it true?
2. Is it useful?
When we are untruthful, we are presenting things as we wish them to be, not as they are. So we are fooling ourselves and others and in doing so, commit a great disservice to both.
When we are truthful, we are presenting things as we believe them to be, which may or not be as they are. So we have to be careful and skillful in sharing what is true to us.
Sometimes we have to decide which truths are worth sharing. In positive dog training, you focus on what the dog does right and what the handler does right. Gradually, the handler and dog do the "right" thing more and more often and the "wrong" things disappear. Now if one was to point out what was "wrong" all of the time, this would still be true, but it wouldn't be useful.
So, it's not enough to be truthful. We need to think about what to emphasize, how ready the person is to hear it, and to be cognizant that our truth may not be someone else's.
And that's ok.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Violence
“All beings tremble before violence. All fear death. All love life.”
Spiders scare the bejesus out of me make me uncomfortable. I don’t know if it’s all of the eyes, or the legs, or knowing that some of them can bite and are venomous. Maybe it’s the way they can suddenly drop from the ceiling and stop right in front of your nose. Perhaps it’s their manner of procuring sustenance, namely by trapping and immobilizing, and then digesting their prey from the inside without actually killing them immediately.
I have killed many spiders over the course of my life. Not out of hate. Out of fear. I can think of one in particular, the size of a baseball, on which I unloaded an entire can of Raid and then, for good measure, hit with a shovel. Repeatedly. For about 10 minutes before I was able to believe that it was actually dead.
I have never felt comfortable killing spiders, because on some level, I am aware that I am taking a life. Yet I am afraid and I don’t want to have to abandon my home, knowing that somewhere a spider lurks. The end result is that if I see a spider and it is in my house, I have felt that I didn’t have any other choice.
The act of killing a spider (aside from that baseball sized one that was outside our old condo under a balcony) involves finding a large flat object, like a magazine, sneaking up on it, and bashing it to smithereens. During the entire process, my autonomic system is going into overdrive. I feel like it’s hunt or be hunted. It’s very unpleasant.
A few months ago, I heard the story of a famous animal trainer, who as a guest in someone’s house, came across a spider in the bathroom. The guest instructed everyone in the household to leave the spider alone, as he was going to train it. Over the course of a few days, the trainer was able to get the spider to go to a “target” on command. The trainer used nothing more than the technology of positive reinforcement. He figured out something to reward the spider with (never found out what) and a way to let the spider know a reward was coming (a clicker), and when the spider headed towards the target, he clicked and then rewarded until the spider could do it on command.
Hearing this story did not completely eliminate my fear of spiders. It did force me to see see the spider as a sentient being with a right to not to suffer a horrible death, just because it made me uncomfortable. It made me wonder what I would do the next time I saw one.
Just the other day, I had my first opportunity to see what I would do. I found not one but two spiders in our home. I decided I really didn’t have the stomach to kill them and yet I really couldn’t stand to have them in the house. Thinking about other ways to remove them, I settled upon grabbing a jar and knocking them off the wall and into the jar, which worked just fine. I captured them and released them into our yard, without incident.
Something amazing happened in the process. I was calm the whole time. I didn’t feel shaken afterwards. What I realized was that my stress symptoms were actually related to my discomfort with killing than with my fear of spiders.
The next time you see an insect you would kill (although I might draw the line at mosquitoes and deer flies), try to capture and then release it and see if it feels anything different to you.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
The Way
"It is you who must make the effort. The masters only point the way."
This is our collection of dog training DVDs. There are probably 100s of hours of instruction included. We have attended agility seminars and training conferences and camps.
I've read and watched maybe 10% of this pile. And I've personally applied maybe 5% (my wife has a much better track record). Over the years, we've added to the collection, sometimes in our enthusiasm over the next new thing: the latest Selo/Garrett/Derrett etc. video has come out. Sometimes because we're responding to a specific issue: Tristan's lame, wouldn't it be nice to be able to know how to massage him properly.
After years of being a lazy trainer, I have realized that what this Dhammapada passage says is true. I must make the effort. All of these books and DVDs and seminars are guides. They all tell me the same things. I need to trust that I can do something with all this information and act.
So, I have started to plan my training sessions. To think about the results I want. To videotape the sessions to see if I am doing what I think I am doing.
And it is hard and it is a bit overwhelming at times, but it is also fun and rewarding. Kind of like life.
This is our collection of dog training DVDs. There are probably 100s of hours of instruction included. We have attended agility seminars and training conferences and camps.
I've read and watched maybe 10% of this pile. And I've personally applied maybe 5% (my wife has a much better track record). Over the years, we've added to the collection, sometimes in our enthusiasm over the next new thing: the latest Selo/Garrett/Derrett etc. video has come out. Sometimes because we're responding to a specific issue: Tristan's lame, wouldn't it be nice to be able to know how to massage him properly.
After years of being a lazy trainer, I have realized that what this Dhammapada passage says is true. I must make the effort. All of these books and DVDs and seminars are guides. They all tell me the same things. I need to trust that I can do something with all this information and act.
So, I have started to plan my training sessions. To think about the results I want. To videotape the sessions to see if I am doing what I think I am doing.
And it is hard and it is a bit overwhelming at times, but it is also fun and rewarding. Kind of like life.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Some of my favorite lists
Came across the gargoyle below and it made me think of the importance of lists in our lives.
There are to-do lists, grocery lists, honey-do lists, and of course, commandments. Below are a few of my favorite lists. Perhaps this is the first time that core tenants of a major religion and an agility handling system have been presented side-by-side. I’m pretty sure it’s not the first time that one has been confused for the other though… So, without further ado, I present to you the lists:
Four Noble Truths
1. The truth of suffering (we get attached to things that can change, and when they do, we suffer
2. The truth of the origin of suffering (we crave the things we are attached to)
3. The truth of the cessation of suffering (there is a way to end suffering)
4. The truth of the path to end suffering (follow the 8 fold path)
Eight Fold Path
1. Right view
2. Right thought
3. Right speech
4. Right action
5. Right livelihood
6. Right effort
7. Right mindfulness
8. Right concentration
Five Precepts
1. Don't kill
2. Don't steal
3. Don't engage in sexual misconduct
4. Don't lie
5. Don't drink in excess*
*
There are to-do lists, grocery lists, honey-do lists, and of course, commandments. Below are a few of my favorite lists. Perhaps this is the first time that core tenants of a major religion and an agility handling system have been presented side-by-side. I’m pretty sure it’s not the first time that one has been confused for the other though… So, without further ado, I present to you the lists:
Four Noble Truths
1. The truth of suffering (we get attached to things that can change, and when they do, we suffer
2. The truth of the origin of suffering (we crave the things we are attached to)
3. The truth of the cessation of suffering (there is a way to end suffering)
4. The truth of the path to end suffering (follow the 8 fold path)
Eight Fold Path
1. Right view
2. Right thought
3. Right speech
4. Right action
5. Right livelihood
6. Right effort
7. Right mindfulness
8. Right concentration
Five Precepts
1. Don't kill
2. Don't steal
3. Don't engage in sexual misconduct
4. Don't lie
5. Don't drink in excess*
*
If you’re Jack Kerouac and are writing a book about this stuff, you may even drop this precept all together. Of course, if you are Jack Kerouac, you died a number of years ago due to complications from alcoholism, so it’s probably best to keep this one in there.
Greg Derrett Handling System*
1. Always keep your eye on your dog
2. Handle with the arm and leg closest to the dog
3. Shoulders face in the dog’s direction of travel until the dog has committed to the obstacle
4. A front cross should be completed at the closest point to the next obstacle
5. Front crosses should only be completed where there is a change in direction
*as summarized in Clean Run magazine
Monday, April 5, 2010
A close shave – or on the dangers of multi-tasking
Sometimes I am mindful. Other times, I am less so. A few posts back I wrote about shaving as mindfulness practice. When we try to be mindful, we often catch ourselves not. Which is fine. Because if we catch ourselves, then we are being mindful. And the thing to do is to return to paying attention and being in the moment. Until we notice ourselves not. And then the thing to do is to return to paying attention and being in the moment.
One way that we make it hard on ourselves to be in the moment is to multi-task. Instead of focusing on doing one thing well, we split our attention at doing a bunch of things in mediocre fashion and best and to our harm at worst.
Case in point: As I was brushing my teeth this morning, I was also going into the medicine cabinet getting all of my shaving stuff out. It’s a big production now. It involves toners and cleansers and soap and brushes and, of course a razor. So in the middle of getting all of this stuff out, I knocked the razor off the shelf and somehow managed to slice a centimeter of skin off of the back of my little finger on my right hand. A pint of blood (I exaggerate some) and a bunch of bandages later, I got things under control and all cleaned up. I was running late and ended up not shaving at all. I also had to stop brushing my teeth to attend to the blood. And that was hard to do, because my toothbrush has a timer and I’m a bit compulsive and it was difficult for me to stop before the timer went off. Anyhow, if I had just brushed my teeth first and shaved second, this wouldn’t have happened.
Well, hopefully this little post helps someone not cut themselves or rear-end someone, or send out an important e-mail with an embarrassing typo. Then my finger shave will not be in vain.
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