On Joyful Competition

“Let go of winning and losing and find joy.” - Dhammapada

For Dharmaspoon Guy and family, this year has been particularly intense in terms of both the dog and human competitions. We have competed in about a dozen agility trials, 4 triathlons, 3 running races, and have at least another 4 agility trials and 2 or 3 running races to go.

Sometimes we have made it cleanly through agility courses and have earned placements and titles. Other times, it just wasn’t happen. Races resulted in personal bests and age group placements at times, and at other times, not.

Does it feel good to win? Of course it does! Is that why we compete? No*.

So why do we subject ourselves to getting up at ungodly hours on weekends when we can sleep in so that we can compete?

It boils down to three reasons:

1. We find joy in the activity

2. We find joy in testing ourselves to see where we are

3. We find joy in the preparation in between events

Everything else is just a bonus.

Often in competitions, we run into people who are in it just for the winning. In the world of dog sport, this is particularly pronounced. You can tell who they are, not by how well they do, although often they do excel, but by the lack of joy they seem to have. Over the weekend, I watched some of the top agility handlers in the nation yell at their dogs, yank them off the course for the slightest error, even if it was due to handling. What was interesting to me was that in a number of cases, these handlers were beat by people who, while not as well known, do their homework, and were competing for the right reasons: to have fun with their dog first, and to do the best they could do.

I think one of the best ways to have joy is to focus on what went right; your little victories. Nothing is all good or all bad. What you focus on, what you remember, and what you learn is what is important.

So, get out there, do your chosen activity, enter a competition, let go of winning and losing, and find joy.

*Well, sometimes we compete for cool prizes, like one of the toy VW Microbuses, shown here, which is up for grabs in this weekend’s Run Woodstock:

On Why I still have friends and you can too

“See yourself in others. Then whom can you hurt? What harm can you do?” – the Dhammapada

I was having a conversation the other day with someone about how they “defriended” one of their Facebook friends because of a series of increasingly intense posts the friend had made regarding current affairs that this someone found to be very offensive.

We have probably all experienced something similar – you meet someone, engage in an activity you both enjoy, and as you get to know them, they don’t meet some criteria on your internal “checklist” of the beliefs you think your friends should have.

This can cause a great amount of distress as you worry about being friends with “one of them.” You cling to that sense of separateness, otherness, and consciously or not, you drift away until you are no longer friends. Or, you try to change your friend’s mind. You try to convert them to your point of view. If only they could see the folly of their thinking. You have the FACTS. If only that person would listen.

Among my friends, some of whom share some beliefs I could not disagree with more, and who I would never dream of trying to “change”, I am lucky enough to say that we have all of these things in common:

We love our country

We desire safety and peace

We want what’s best for our friends and family

We love our dogs/families/friends

We share one or more common activities

We are led by principals

We want to do good in the world

When we focus on what we have in common, we can realize that we are lucky to have the friends we have, and appreciate them, and while we may not believe everything they believe, we do not have to define them or ourselves by our differences.

On Bicycle Safety and Letting Things Go

“Look how he abused me and beat me. How he threw me down and robbed me (and wrecked my bike). Live with such thoughts and you live in hate or abandon such thoughts and live in love.” – the Dhammapada

On July 31, 2009 as I attempted to cross an intersection at which I had the right of way, a dairy truck turned the corner in my direction. I had just enough time to get off my bike before it was crushed under the weight of the truck. I escaped with a minor scratch.

This is the truck that hit my bike. I still see it a couple of times each week:

An hour after the accident, I had my crushed bike and some dairy back at home:

This was my first “real” mountain bike. I had become quite attached to it. I had even made plans to upgrade it’s components in the following months.

It took many months before I finally was able to let the bike go:

It was a lesson in accepting the impermanence of all things.

I got a replacement bike pretty quickly:

 

For many months I seldom rode it.  I had loved biking. It was one of my joys in life. And at the time, I felt like it had been ruined for me.

I was angry at the driver. Angry at the loss of my bike. Angry about having something I enjoyed being “taken” away from me.

I let anger and fear keep me off my bike until one day, I had enough.  I spent an entire morning reading about bicycle safety and the state and local laws at they apply to bicycles.  I thought about the driver and how freaked out he was and how he confided in me that he thought he had killed me when he saw the bike under the truck. I let myself have compassion for him and just decided to let it go.

These two actions brought about a great relief. I wasn’t feeling like a victim any more. I also learned about what actions I could take to ride as safely as possible and what my rights were if something should go wrong again.

I ride with confidence now, and more safely too. For those of you who are interested in riding safely and confidently, this was the best resource that I found:

I am once again a happy, confident, and safe as can be biker:

And don’t worry, this picture was taken in an empty parking lot at low speed.