On Aspiration vs Expectation

This is Maebe. She is World Team fast. This has been a blessing and a challenge. A blessing because her natural drive, speed, intensity and love of the sport means she is capable of extraordinary things.  A challenge because it has also meant that I had no other option but to learn how to play the sport properly and to build the partnership necessary to compete as a team. I am actually very thankful for this challenge because it has forced me to become a better trainer and a better dog owner;  it has forced Maebe to learn to think on her own, to maintain focus, to figure things out.

Given our potential as a team, and some of our accomplishments in the couple of years we have been competing, I have to be diligent in not confusing my aspirations for the two of us with my expectations.

Charlotte Joko Beck says that Aspiration is “Our own true nature seeking to realize and express itself.” When I think if the journey that Maebe and I are on, it is one in which I want to enable us to develop as a team to the best of our ability.

Expectation is something different. It is built on ego. It is the voice that says, to quote Ricky Bobby, the fictional race car driver, “If you’re not first, you’re last.” It is the disappointment in not getting the Double Q; the bitterness over the dropped bar; the dissatisfaction with qualifying but not placing.

I was recently at a trial where I saw several different handlers pull their dogs off because of an off-course (which was due to poor handling). There were some handlers who packed up and left because they didn’t qualify after their first run. These handlers were clearly caught up in their expectations.

At the same trial, I saw handlers happy with their runs, regardless of whether the qualified or placed. Some of these handlers I have known for years and have witnessed their journey from having dogs they could barely control to becoming a team. I am on that same journey. What we have in common is that we all aspire to do the best we can, to learn from our mistakes, and to always keep in mind that regardless of the success or failure that we experience at a particular moment, we can always be satisfied.

On Reward and Punishment

“Reward and punishment is the lowest form of education” - Chuang Tzu
In our society, we place a lot of emphasis on rewards and punishment, especially, especially punishment.  We incarcerate the highest percentage of our population of any other nation. More than 1 in 37 Americans are currently incarcerated. In animal training, despite over 30 years of building scientific evidence that the technology of operant conditioning (in which the animal/person chooses a behavior that leads to a desirable consequence), this method is still a hard sell, as the idea that people/animals need to be controlled/dominated remains engrained.
The problem with the concept of reward and punishment is that it is determined by an outside force (God,  a parent, a dog owner, a police officer) that judges the behavior and then administers the reward/punishment.
In contrast choice and consequences empowers the individual person/animal to engage in a behavior, see what the consequences are, and then decide if the behavior is worth repeating.
We’ve been training our puppy lately to sit calmly on a mat during mealtime. We do not drag him to the mat, force him into a down, and yell at him if he gets up. We also do not start out with a pile of treats on the mat to lure him there and then every time he gets up, lure him back with more treats. Instead, we set up a situation where it is easy for him to choose to get on the mat, when when he chooses to do so, he gets a treat. He has quickly learned that the consequence of going to his mat is that there is a chance he will get a treat. He consistently chooses to go there.
I am personally drawn to Buddhism because it is about individual choices and the consequences of these choices. I can choose to let things bother me(or not). I can choose to do things I regret (or not).  My happiness is a direct result of my thoughts and actions, not by some outside force. This is what works for me. This is why I am a strong believer in positive training instead of punishment.
I choose to write this blog, not because of the possible reward of a “following.” Indeed, according to the latest statistics, I get about 1 reader a week who is not my wife or me. I write it because I enjoy the act of writing it and because I hope that I am able to offer perhaps a new way of looking at some of the things I think we all deal with.

Observations on three types of people who do stuff with their dogs

It is you who must make the effort. The masters only point the way. – The Buddha
If you don’t have the time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over? – John Wooden
After 9 years of having dogs, this is the first year I am really starting to understand (A) what I am doing doing right, (B) what I am doing wrong (and what to do about it), and (C), what I need to be doing.
During this time I have become part of a larger community of people who like to do things with their dogs.  In some cases, I have been participating in the same activities with the same group of people and their dogs year after year. I have taken countless training classes, watched many training videos, attended many training seminars, read many books.
Recently, it has all started to sink in and I am taking my training much more seriously, working much more consistently, and having both positive results and fun in the process.
Among our cohort of dogs and handlers, I have noticed three groups:
1. Those who continue to learn, train, and develop their relationships with their dogs. This group focuses on getting it right, knowing that it will lead to results.
2. Those who dabble in training or thinking about training and just get by. These dogs do some to most of what they’re asked some or most of the time and never really seem to improve. This group focuses on getting results, often taking shortcuts that make it hard to perform consistently (or consistently well). These shortcuts only take the handler so far and in fact, end up costing time.
3. Those who do not take the time to train and while they love their dogs, are often frustrated by them and either do not understand why nothing is changing or why the dogs don’t just “get it” after all these years. 
If you’re in the third group, use your frustration to motivate you to learn more. Find the people who do well and find out what they’re doing that you’re not.
If you’re in the second group, practice what you know. Learn what you don’t. There are no shortcuts.
If you’re in the first group, share what you know, learn from those who know more than you, and remember that your work is never done.

On Rabid Bicycle Haters From Hell

“’Look how he abused me and beat me, how he threw me down and robbed me.’ Abandon such thoughts and live in love.” – Dhammapada: Choices

“Look to your own faults, what you have done or left undone. Overlook the faults of others.” Dhammapada: Flowers

“Never speak harsh words for they will rebound upon you and the hurt rebounds.” Dhammapada: Violence

Over the weekend Dharmaspoon Gal and I went on a bike ride to Hell. On the way there, a woman passed us, rolled down her window and proceeded to rant at us as she passed by. We caught up to her at an intersection, where she once again rolled down her window and as she turned and drove away, continued to shout at us.

Neither of us actually heard anything that she was saying. When she passed, it was too windy to hear. When she was pulling away at the intersection, she was just out of earshot. What you could tell was the angry seething tone of the message.

There were a couple of ways that one or both of us could reacted. In the past, I would have been caught up in her anger and at least have been angry right back, perhaps responding with a gesture or comment of my own. I probably would have let it ruin the ride for me. Instead we did the following:

1. We looked  to see if there was anything we did to trigger the tirade. For example, were we in her way or breaking the law with our riding? The law requires that bicyclists stay as far to the right as is practical and in some towns you cannot ride two-abreast. We were riding on a wide shoulder and single file. We were easy to pass. There was no oncoming traffic. We couldn’t think of anything we could have done differently. It’s possible she didn’t like the bike shorts or shirts, but, at that point, what can you do?

2. We felt compassion for the woman. To be on that short of a fuse must be sad. Who knows what is going on in her life that the mere presence of cyclists could set her off.

3. We let it go. It was an instant relief to just let it go. To not get worked up or pissed off. The one thing in common with road rage incidents involving bicyclists is that the bicyclist engages the angry individual and there is an escalation. Often the driver is looking to start something. It’s best not to give them a reason.

You don’t have to be biking to have something similar happen to you. You could be running, driving, standing in line at the grocery store, minding your own business at the bar, and for whatever reason, someone can start something with you.  Let it go. If you have to, defend yourself. Whatever you do, don’t escalate. Let cooler heads prevail.

From Blackberries to Blueberries and Raspberries

“Mistake the the false for the true and the true for the false, you overlook your heart and fill yourself with desire.” – the Buddha

Every Wednesday for the last few years we pick up our Community Support Agriculture farm share at the local farmer’s market. We get just enough produce to feed the two of us, with a little left over to store away.

Last summer, I was in the midst of a management role that required a lot of travel. Indeed, there were many Wednesdays last summer where my wife had to pick up the share on her own while I was running around with my Blackberry, sitting in airports and meeting rooms, thinking this is what you had to do; Must keep moving up.  A lot of the share ended up being wasted that summer.

Realizing that this was no way to live, that other things in life were more important, I planned my exit strategy and wound up exactly where I wanted. Today marks my last day before I start that new role.  In a few minutes, I drop off my Blackberry, and focus on making sure I am around to pick up the blueberries and raspberries at the Farmer’s Market instead.

On Dead Neighbors and Bloating Dogs

“Make each day your masterpiece.” – John Wooden

“Do not do what you will regret. Do only what you do not regret, and fill yourself with joy.” – The Buddha

A few weekends ago, we noticed a lot of activity at our neighbor’s house across the street. It looked like she was moving, except we never saw her. Over the course of the weekend, people came, loaded trucks, left and came back and left again. Finally, all that was left were things not worth moving.

Our neighbor was quiet, friendly, and kept to herself. Every now and then we’d smile and wave to each other. Never had a conversation. Didn’t really know her.

In the subsequent weeks, some additional things were removed from the house by people we didn’t recognize. If I was not shy, I may have crossed the street and asked what was going on.

Still, I was curious, so, through the power of the internets, my wife and I searched public property records and got a name. From the name came an obituary column.

Her name was Mary. She was 50. She worked for the University. She died unexpectedly (three months prior).

I never saw her without a smile on her face. I like to believe she passed with no regrets, no worries of work unfinished.

During this period of detective work, a friend of ours noticed that her dog was experiencing signs of gastric distress while she was working at home. This friend of ours is very careful in monitoring the health of her pets and does not hesitate to rush them to the vet if she has any doubts. We are the same way. Well, it turned out that she got him to the vet not a moment too soon. His stomach had essentially twisted on itself, resulting in a life threatening condition known as bloat. If she had showered (as she was preparing to do), he would have died. Instead, she got him to the vet, they did an emergency surgery, and he’s on the way to a full recovery.

These events got me thinking about how important it is to live each day as well as we can, to not procrastinate, to not take what is important to us for granted, and to appreciate each day as a mini-life that we get to live, hopefully as a masterpiece, and with no regrets.